Did you ever hear of "fox hole conversions"? Most likely you have. It is essentially an "if You God, will do such and such then I will do this, that or the other" prayer bargain. Fox hole because it is a soldier in desperate straits that is praying to live and getting out alive will serve God and so on as my husband did when in Viet Nam. (and has endeavored to hold to his end of the bargain as long as I have known him through our thick and thin years of marriage)
They are not always dire circumstances though. Some times we make a statement that we think we are up to living out in our own strength. Like the time before I got married and was so excited by how God provided for Pat and Dede Robertson in the early days of their ministry and for George Mueller as he built orphanages trusting God to supply EVERYTHING for them. I prayed sincerely "GOD I WANT TO LEARN TO LIVE BY FAITH" I think God was just waiting for me to ask and that began quite a journey for us walking with God.
But that is not the exact subject of this writing. This is about another statement I made once upon a time and more than once actually in response to my husband wanting to build an orphanage on our property...
I want to defend myself so much here because I am about to sound hard hearted and if you really know me you know I am not! I knew an orphanage was BEYOND my strength and ability and emotional stores to do. See, I saw myself as being the mom of all of them, when I was already the mom of our own 8 biological children plus other endeavors that included other children. Soooooooo here is what I would say:
"If God ever brought a baby to my door that needed me, you know I would be on that and take care of that baby! I just do not feel up to purposely setting out to take care of more. I am at my limit."
I guess sometimes we do not know our own limit as well as God does...He says in Isaiah 54 after all "expand the place of your tent" among other things like the children of the desolate woman will be more than those of the married woman.
The likelihood of that baby on my doorstep was so slim. Or so I thought. Then one day God knocked on my door. One of my sons brought home the news a baby was on the way through a relationship that was not going to continue between himself and the baby's mom in a way that would have the two of them raising this little one together in marriage.
Knock, knock. "Lea, are you listening? Because I, God, was."
Knock, knock. "Lea, are you even looking out the window to see Who is at the door?"
Knock, knock. "Lea, I, God, have a special delivery for you. You already verbally agreed to it. It has to be signed for though, this one can not be left outside the door."
Sometimes packages don't come packaged the way we like, but when we open them we find the most precious gift inside!
So as time passed the little girl in the God box joined our home. Starting with a nursery crib graduating to the bottom of the bunk bed with Minnie Mouse comforter and sheets, toys, princess clothes, diapers on to potty training, pacies and bottles on to sippy cups, being fed to feeding herself. Toddling to running, using a scooter, singing songs from her car seat every where she went. Helping feed the dogs, cat and fish. Sitting with Grandpa while he watched Joseph Prince or Bill Winston and asking a continuous stream of questions all the while.
Oh sure the crabby moments were there too. Times of sickness and toddler tantrums.We know life is not all glossy and airbrushed. I will admit I was tired. I felt guilty being tired. I had been a SAHM almost entirely while raising our own kids when they were young. Even with her daddy on hand, he did have to work. Even with Grandpa and my daughter involved they both had full days too. Even with one week a month trips to maternal family who also love her. So we enrolled her in Mini Miracles Daycare. We all adjusted and she was like a little sister to the kids we had left at home- well except for her daddy of course- he was Daddy. And look what we got:
I know, she is adorable right?
Then a career change came about meaning she and her daddy were moving out of state.
That was last week. I am really trying to get my emotions to line up with my trust, that God has a plan for her that fits with the plan He has for my son. The "strange" thing is that I spoke on Mothers Day at our church about the life circumstances that reposition people and place them smack in line with their life purpose to unfold. Like Jocabed and her baby Moses. Like Hannah and baby Samuel. Like Joseph the dreamer, the slave, the prisoner, to the second in command in Egypt. Like Naomi and Ruth. Like Esther. And the thing is the circumstances they experienced were hard and even frightening!
The kind we want to avoid, but they are the kind God is so good at redeeming and bringing beauty for ashes and joy to replace the heaviness. The kind that we are dangerously close to becoming bitter from if we don't trust He has better than bitter for us.
So God was listening to what I said. He took me up on it. He had a suprise package for me. A special delivery. One He knew I would love. It just didn't have an expiration date stamped on it letting me know how long it would last after opening. There I was once again living like I had years and years of hands on time when really what I had was a few very short years to lay a foundation for others to lovingly build on. You know sometimes the gift does come wrapped in way we are not very excited about at first but it is a GIFT. What we do with that gift becomes our gift back to God.
