There are picket fences.
There are privacy fences.
There are fancy fences.
There are fences like this one.
And there are OFFENSES.... I was pondering today my tendency to get offended about certain things and what my response is when I allow that offense not just to happen and roll
away, but to take hold....like a fence post. You know take out the post hole digger and dig deep. Secure the post with cement so it has a firm hold. I do that by dwelling on the offense. And when the next offense comes, why I just set another post and so on, making a fence line. And it is even worse as time goes on because a fence line does get fencing of one sort or another hung on it. And for me it sometimes tends to be the sharp and pointy kind like in the picture above figuratively speaking.
One of the worst things about my offense fence is that it keeps me in too, not just others away. Naturally not everyone should have complete access to my life, making a privacy fence a good thing.
But this OFFENSE...this is how I recognized it in me. I tend most often to be offended by my husband, sad to say, even when he never intended to offend me. This is partly because the making of a good marriage is a process not the instant happily ever after fairy tales we have been surrounded with all our lives and loved. There is process in making the two, one. First of all he is a man. And men are not women and women are not men. So I hear and see things differently than he does. I feel things differently than he does.
Now there is reason for that, making perfect sense, since together we can form a more well rounded picture of things that need to happen in our lives. NOT me vs him. Well in my natural state of being (the Word of God calls it being in the flesh not the spirit), I can take something he says or does and immediately become offended because it isn't how I would say or do it after all. And I must have this innate sense of I am right, you are wrong in me. And perhaps just a good measure of "I want my own way" selfishness still rearing its ugly head.
Sometimes it is so hard to try to tell these things without quick jumping in to say things like "of course sometimes I am right". *Sigh* So back to how I saw it this time though hopefully I am doing less and less of this as the years go by. Some background to the story...
We were watching something one morning and usually it is Christian programing which is an awesome way, a privileged way actually, to start the day. We love it. But the program had ended and before we could change the channel on comes the infomercial. I am sure many people get sucked right into these (I still want to order the Dog Training Kit!!!). However this one was for a product that promised more energy and weight loss by teaching you what foods are best for your body type and instruction on body sculpting using a resistance band. I wanted to change the channel since, not overly overweight, but moderately perhaps, I was not totally keen on watching women who had not had eight babies and were not my age, but it was kind of interesting and then my husband said something like "why don't you take down the number and order that. You would probably feel better and have more energy"
In fairness I had been worn out for quite a while and have some pretty good reasons for that too, but worn out does not feel good, and he was looking in his man sort of way for a solution to fix this for me, besides what nice things he was doing, like bringing me coffee in the morning sometimes or iced juice in the evening.
Does any one have any guesses on how my pink brain took that suggestion? I said something like "Wow, really? Thanks! That is a great idea! You would really order that for me? Maybe I would start feeling better.."
NOPE.
While I do not remember my exact words...there was no profanity just so you know...
I do remember my resistance to the whole thing and being profoundly offended and sure he must think I am old and fat and I flat out refused to make the call. "You want to get it for me?!? You call!" And pink makes it look kind of like I said it somewhat nicely but it was actually a bit frosty. And I left the room.
He made the call.
A couple weeks later the box arrived. I set it aside for two days. Then he started wondering out loud why the stuff had not come yet. I told him it had. Which meant opening the box to find several DVDs, CDs, books, binder, cards, resistance band and so on...Have you ever had to assemble something that came in pieces, like a bike or swing set? You have to be motivated. He tried using the word WE as in WE will feel much better when WE do this...but I was pretty sure there was not going to be a WE figuring this out and that when it was finally assembled it would be ME doing it. And that is how it was, only it was still several more days later. It took time but wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I became a bit intrigued by the test to see what type of food worked best for my metabolism and decided I would give it a try.
So that was about 5 days ago. Today I realized that I am starting to see a difference. Not that I don't want a short mid afternoon nap still if I am hanging around home at that time. But one of the things I realized was that I like the idea that my posture might improve. I had used nursing 8 children as an excuse long enough! (Our youngest is about 16 now) I did not realize it had bothered me because I did not have to look at me slouching my shoulders forward- my husband and others did. I am able to tighten my belt a notch too. Weird. My muscles are so willing to do what muscles are meant to do and I am happy about that. I was never much of an athlete but I did like training at the gym years back. I had forgotten that.
What I realized also, was my tendency to get offended could keep me from something that really is good for me. I can look back and see other instances where this has been true too. You know, because I am offended I can not take even good advice from the one who offended me. I think bitterness is like poison ivy climbing the fence. So best to take the advice from Jesus when his disciples asked how many times they should forgive...like 7 maybe...that does feel like quite a stretch sometimes but we have a life to live and He knows how we should live it best so said "No I say to you 7x70". WOW Lord really?
He just wants to fulfill His promise to FILL my life with GOOD things and staying offended when the inevitable offences come, just does not let them in.
