I have noticed that since we began Walking It Out Marriage Counseling I seem to have escalated in undesirable behavior... but maybe it really is that I feel more accountable, more visible...just plain and simple more aware.
I realized the other day when I was behaving in an EGR manner (Extra Grace Required) that sometimes the pressure is on when a new endeavor begins. Add to that a number of disruptive crisis type circumstances with several that seem ongoing, coupled with fatigue quite possibly created by said circumstances and the tendency is to become a porcupine with rolling eyes type personality. All meant to keep people at a distance and hide myself though not consciously doing so. For instance I do not think a porcupine thinks about putting its quills out nor does a skunk think hard and long before letting loose with that marked Peppy Le Pew fragrance. It is automatic when perceived danger is on. In my case being asked to do one or several more things has the effect of danger I guess.
Now this is a cute little porcupine. But get a full grown one upset and beware! They can inflict quite a bit of damage!
So I don't have quills to speak of, but I do have a tongue and body language that can be damaging and even more long lasting. Yikes!
I am not excusing my behavior really, just being aware that it is happening and that it indicates change is needed. Not just catching my rolling eyeballs as they are making an escape, but changing a few things in life that I may be saying yes to that I should say no to. Not adding new things and more new things on top of all the already there things. Some of the already there things need to be let go of or rearranged. It's a song sung by many who are time management people. It is wisdom really.
Can I just point out to you who have had babies or been in on a delivery that when in the transition stage of childbirth, everything else is set aside to get that baby born! Think about it.There is a plan to have the other kids watched, your place at work handled, meals brought in, a room prepared, extra people to assist which can all COST something mind you and still the process is intense even while it brings about a glorious result. So why would I not practice that with other things in my life that require quantities of my attention?
Just as practical and helpful is real communication about how something is affecting me. And then if my behavior calls for it, a very sincere apology. Not just shooting off a quick sorry for poking them with sharp "quill" like stuff either. Sincerity...Because humbling myself to the one who was recipient of my porcupine behavior, usually is stabbing my pride, which is not pleasant. But it bears that fruit of repentance in my life and others around me which is pleasant.
If you see me running I am may be trying to catch run away eyeballs...you can help me...keep me accountable...catch them and hand them back...with no condemnation please...just a gentle smile will do. Hopefully this is a habit broken by this public confession of sorts...
Have a blessed weekend!
