Pressure, pressure, pressure I am sad to say has not brought out the best in me but expolsive outbursts! And truthfully the pressure doesn't even have to be much lately because I simply do not have the reserves in myself to respond well. And that is key perhaps. In myself...Now I do know the Holy Spirit dwells in me and praying in the spirit brings refreshing so try to remember that help for my sanity. The problem has been too much stuff. Too much busy-ness. Too many deadlines. Too many new things added in. Too many events. Too many headaches (nearly 3 weeks worth) Too many complaints coming at me. Too many too many's!
So instead of the pressure bringing out fine wine components of squishing the fruit of the Spirit, I find myself reacting by trampling others with my words and attitudes. Defensive, angry, frustrated, bordering on bitter fruit! I can hardly bear to live with me these days...
So like Paul somewhat I find myself musing what I do not want to do I do.. and Who can rescue me... very loose paraphrasing...and of course what can separate me from the love of God? Miscounted invoices and unjust charges? No. Homeschooling off to an imperfect start? No again. Fatigue and raging hormones from this midlife woman? Thank God He is bigger than that! Oh well who wants the list anyway? I feel like I have made decisions that haven't been well thought out lately and that leads me to wonder about my need for being that ever unatainable perfect person.
I have a feeling for me walking worthy these days means walking in God's grace....
just blame it on the hormones mom, thats what i have to do with this pregnancy! Soon you will be through this stage and you will think clear, we can be happy with our efforts even when they don't turn out how we pictured, at least your trying! and think of all the times those efforts have stopped you from lashing out with hormonal emotions! I agree, give yourself some grace (Ive needed to do that too with myself) and think of all the amazing things you have done and are doing right now with the family, your job, everything! You are amazing.. love you!
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