The Long Walk (to get there)

Just a bit ago I was finishing up looking at a book and some playtime with one of my grandbabies. I was struck then by the realization that I feel old tonight. Oh not decrepit and entirely feeble and all that. Just the feeling that "the vision" I had for ministry stuff is yet unfulfilled. And it made me sad. I know it doesn't mean it isn't yet for a future time. Like Sara, Abraham's wife who waited a longggggg time for the promise. Like Hannah. Like Ruth and Naomi. Like Abigail. Like so many who waited for the promises of God. And in the mix of waiting is everyday life. That's not such a bad thing. There are plenty of good and powerful blessings in everyday life. The ordinary preparing us for the extraordinary.
I am all about the preparation phase of fulfilling the promised things. Turkey is not done til its done and cake isn't cake with out all the ingredients and proper cooking time. Gourmet foods take more time and preparation. More care,special seasonings.Babies ought not be born until they are fully developed. And it was in the fullness of time that God sent His Son into the world not before.
I guess I am trying to encourage myself in the Lord and His ways. He is the one who knows when I am "done". I think I remember the energy I used to have and seem to have zip of now. I also think when I do the dastardly thing we are warned not to do(since it is not wise) of comparing myself with others in ministry, I see how young everyone is. There is, I have to remind myself something fine about aged things in some categories. Maybe this is all menopausal musings tonight. That could be the reason I am so tired and melancholy. Maybe this difficulty I am having tonight is good for someone else to know. Most of us are in waiting for something. Most of us are trusting in faith for something. Most of us know the sweetness of promises fulfilled along the way. I guess tonight the vision was feeling about dead. Seeing that looks kind of silly to me. I could live to be 100- though I am not really trying for that (sorry kids). If I do, I am only just barely half way through life. I am maybe only half baked..
Maybe the " vision for yet an appointed time" is preceded by a steadfast walk and then a short burst at the finishing lap. What do I know? My times are in His hands. Right now it feels like a long walk and I really hope its not like the wilderness walk. I don't want to be stubborn and rebellious at all.
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary
They shall walk and not faint
Isaiah 40:31
Sometimes it seems waiting is a silent stillness. A rest. Sometimes I just wonder if waiting is active. Not wasted activity but a purposeful attention toward the Lord and His voice. A time of activity before the goal is actually accomplished. A waiting expectantly for the thing I am waiting for. Like when I waited for my babies to be born. Lots of activity related to building babies and lots of activity going on in life in general at the same time but still expectantly waiting for that new baby to be held in my arms.. then the growing of that baby into a young man or woman with vision and responsibility of their own that takes years and alot of action but looking for an expected end.
You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth
And called from its farthest regions
And said to you
You are my servant
I have chosen you and have not cast you away
Fear not for I am with you
Be not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you
Yes I will help you 
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand
Isaiah 41:9-10
And there we have it the word of encouragement from His word....Take heart any of you who may have been growing weary His promise for those waiting is right there

Follow Up On The Land Mines

I remember when I had a second miscarriage in the summer of 1990 or so. I was devestated by the first one I'd had the year before and perplexed by this second. Pretty tender emotionally. It happened in the midst of planning an outreach Back Yard Bible Club for the month of July at a mobile home park we had once lived in for a few years. Should I still go on with it? Physically and emotionally I wondered if I was up to it.
Then one day I was passing by the television where my kids had some old Bugs Bunny Daffy Duck cartoon on and Daffy was declaring "I am detirmined to make his victory a costly one!"
Ever had God speak to you from a cartoon? Well I have! Right then and there I detirmined what satan meant for evil in my life was going to cost him big! Back Yard Bible Club commenced with a full team from church to minister to kids every tuesday in July. Keeping kids off the streets for a few hours with fun, food and Gods Word. Ministering to moms many who were single giving them some time off.

I guess I am a bit disappointed in my post from a couple days ago. Have to say I am so grateful for the loving concern and prayer you have given me because of it. I love you! Overall I have calmed down and begun functioning in a way more normal for me. I had been discussing at a prayer meeting a week ago  about Isaiah 54's reference to weapons formed and tongues rising up against us and not being ignorant of satans devices...And what do I do but react in shock and verbal outrage when something hits the target (me and mine). I thought I was better at holding my peace. You know responding not reacting.
I have heard when the bucket is full and gets kicked whatever is in it will spash out..so I am not too happy with what spashed with the kicking. It was a sort of mixed concoction.
But neither can I pretend it didn't hurt -just wish I had held off a while before posting and thought about that before pressing the publish button..Oh well

On the other side of life though things have been really busy and good! Had an unexpected opportunity to do a health fair presentation for Aflac on Saturday and one of our lovely employees was recently licensed in life and health so could work it with me. Looking forward to more growing along that lines for the business.
The kids have had in two days dental visits, eye exams and school sports physical! Whew!
Looks like they will be playing Basketball for the season at their new school Victory Christian Academy. And I have seen their being there as part of God's unfolding plan He knew about  for "a future and a hope one not for evil or calamity" Jeremiah 29 paraphrase...So thankful to Him!
And I get to take part in teaching in the School of Ministry at Living Waters Worship Center. Exciting and humbling. So even more now I see how I reacted to some of the crazy findings that kicked my bucket to be a way for me to look at how I live compared to how Jesus lived with people. Been reading Portrait of Jesus as part of our study and it is an answer plain and simple to some questions I have had. I highly recommend it.
Marty and I visited a veteran who is in hospice this morning to pray and for me to play the harp and sing as he rested..This man served veterans well not just his country in war..I know Jesus is welcoming him, holding him.

Well off to the office. Hope you are blessed well today

Land Mines Along the Walk

Today I am wearing my heart on my sleeve so to speak. Today I realized I have really been betrayed by yet another friend. Sounds so weird to say. Sounds so bad to me to write about. Especially since I prefer writing upbeat fun stories about my walk with Jesus.
It is sometimes the stuff of life though and most people, believers in Jesus included, encounter it along the path of life. As in Psalm 55:12-14...it was one that I took sweet counsel with, walking in the things of God together.
Let me set one thing straight. It is not my husband that betrayed me.
I get disappointments.They happen but they are not betrayals. I get disagreements. They happen too. God created such variety that we can't possibly see things the same all the time with each other. And God knows I don't know everything and am not always right.
But this is true betrayal. Maybe this person doesn't actually realize the depth of the actions being taken. Kind of like "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". I am not perfect like Jesus. I do not even want to lay my life down for this person any more though I have in
many  ways time and again.
I want to justify myself and those this person is slandering...But You LORD are my vindicator. You say vengeance belongs to You. You even tell me not to take this person to court if it were to come to that but rather be wronged. Your ways are perfect oh Lord help me to walk in them.
Give me understanding and a pure heart. And I pray for this one Lord...and find I can only pray in the spirit right now because my mind and heart are jumping all over the place about this. The person is to be pitied and desperately needs You.
I am just a bit wearied and torn over being used and trampled on by yet another person we invested our lives into...well who was it for after all? For some pat on the back from people about how great we are when we simply spent ourselves for others like You commission us to do? Yay us!...The rewards are not here they are in heaven, so help me not to be hard hearted toward others who You lead our way because of a few bad experiences brought about by broken people. Help me to trust You.