Just a bit ago I was finishing up looking at a book and some playtime with one of my grandbabies. I was struck then by the realization that I feel old tonight. Oh not decrepit and entirely feeble and all that. Just the feeling that "the vision" I had for ministry stuff is yet unfulfilled. And it made me sad. I know it doesn't mean it isn't yet for a future time. Like Sara, Abraham's wife who waited a longggggg time for the promise. Like Hannah. Like Ruth and Naomi. Like Abigail. Like so many who waited for the promises of God. And in the mix of waiting is everyday life. That's not such a bad thing. There are plenty of good and powerful blessings in everyday life. The ordinary preparing us for the extraordinary.
I am all about the preparation phase of fulfilling the promised things. Turkey is not done til its done and cake isn't cake with out all the ingredients and proper cooking time. Gourmet foods take more time and preparation. More care,special seasonings.Babies ought not be born until they are fully developed. And it was in the fullness of time that God sent His Son into the world not before.
I guess I am trying to encourage myself in the Lord and His ways. He is the one who knows when I am "done". I think I remember the energy I used to have and seem to have zip of now. I also think when I do the dastardly thing we are warned not to do(since it is not wise) of comparing myself with others in ministry, I see how young everyone is. There is, I have to remind myself something fine about aged things in some categories. Maybe this is all menopausal musings tonight. That could be the reason I am so tired and melancholy. Maybe this difficulty I am having tonight is good for someone else to know. Most of us are in waiting for something. Most of us are trusting in faith for something. Most of us know the sweetness of promises fulfilled along the way. I guess tonight the vision was feeling about dead. Seeing that looks kind of silly to me. I could live to be 100- though I am not really trying for that (sorry kids). If I do, I am only just barely half way through life. I am maybe only half baked..
Maybe the " vision for yet an appointed time" is preceded by a steadfast walk and then a short burst at the finishing lap. What do I know? My times are in His hands. Right now it feels like a long walk and I really hope its not like the wilderness walk. I don't want to be stubborn and rebellious at all.
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary
They shall walk and not faint
Isaiah 40:31
Sometimes it seems waiting is a silent stillness. A rest. Sometimes I just wonder if waiting is active. Not wasted activity but a purposeful attention toward the Lord and His voice. A time of activity before the goal is actually accomplished. A waiting expectantly for the thing I am waiting for. Like when I waited for my babies to be born. Lots of activity related to building babies and lots of activity going on in life in general at the same time but still expectantly waiting for that new baby to be held in my arms.. then the growing of that baby into a young man or woman with vision and responsibility of their own that takes years and alot of action but looking for an expected end.
You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth
And called from its farthest regions
And said to you
You are my servant
I have chosen you and have not cast you away
Fear not for I am with you
Be not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you
Yes I will help you
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand
Isaiah 41:9-10
And there we have it the word of encouragement from His word....Take heart any of you who may have been growing weary His promise for those waiting is right there
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