Sometimes in the morning before church, I get really, really mad at my husband! So angry .. Whew! Yesterday was one such morning. I won't tell you why. Sorry. I guess I still think I was right yet am not trying to get anyone to take sides. He thinks I was wrong so there we are. And frankly he was not angry, I was. So whats a God loving person to do in such a case? And especially when said pink person is supposed to open the church service in prayer and most certainly needs a right spirit to do that and set the tone we open with.
First I need to recognize the purposes of God are bigger than my perception and offended feelings so forgive as He (God) forgives me. No getting around that truth. No matter how long we walk the walk, forgiving remains part and parcel of it. Yes even 7 times 70..which was feeling like a tall order this particular Sunday morning even though we had not reached 70 offenses before 10:30 am. But it does seem sometimes, when I am working to lay aside an offense and move forward, the spot is still tender and the supposedly forgiven offender can not do much right in my eyes for a while and seems to poke the tender place intentionally or not, which I am guessing was the experience of the disciples as well or they would not have asked the "how many times shall we forgive" question in the first place.
Second I also need to remember we have an enemy who is all about stealing, killing and destroying and is the father of lies. Certainly one of his devices is about stealing, killing and destroying unity among God's people and part of that is through lies. ll Corinthians 2:11 says we are not to be ignorant of his devices. As Jesus plainly states "a house divided can not stand". Psalms 133:1 tells us it is good when we dwell together in unity. Look at the example of the natural law of Synergy (God created natural laws you know)...
"At a state fair there was an event where horses were being hitched to wagons to see which horse could pull the most weight. Two horses pulled 9,000 pounds. They then hitched these two strongest horses together on the same wagon. The horses didn’t pull 18,000 pounds – a mere doubling of their individual efforts. Instead, together, in true teamwork, they pulled 35,000 pounds. Now that’s synergy!"
If we stay in unity as much as possible, so much more can be accomplished.
Third I began picturing myself standing and a large concrete block was at my feet.
It was at best the stumbling block of offense. At it's worst it was the beginning of a thick block wall to divide me off from my husband but also from most other good things in life.
Fourth I told you we each still thought the other was wrong. That happens sometimes doesn't it? What in the world happens then? Well in the world we do know...bitterness, ugliness, hurtful words, family rifts for generations...so, what in the life of a Christian happens then?
I had already expressed my viewpoint to him. Because I do that. Maybe too much. But again I r e a l l y believe I was right. But so does he think he was right...sigh... So here is what I did. I cast him with his contradictory opinion and my care (wounded, offended feelings and inability to change things by words or knowing the ugly tactic of cold shoulder -tempting as that may be-would not make them better) upon the Lord who cares for both of us and has the ability to turn the heart of the king of a nation, so surely my husband's heart as well. In prayer you know, not physically throw him around as if I could anyway.Was it simple? Did I pull this off seamlessly? Well no actually...some people knew I was struggling with something but at least I was struggling to do the right thing with all my menopausal emotions wanting to run at nasty high speed.
Fifth At the risk of sounding like I am making a formula out of all this, I have numbered my process but there is no formula really. It is a walk with Jesus and staying in the light of the narrow path to avoid destruction...I passed my thoughts through the scripture grid. It is the place set up internally from learning the Word of God. Do my words and actions pass through or do they get stopped on the mesh of truth?
"Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and all evil speaking..."1 Peter 2:1a
"Let every man (woman) be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God... be doers of the word not hearers only...let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgement. For we all stumble in many things. If any one does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to also bridle the whole body...All from the book of James
Leader or not we are all human beings. We are not perfect beings. We are not going to always see eye to eye in relationships. And I don't always get to be right and get my way. We are in the process of change and attaining the high call in Christ Jesus. But this morning I was watching a program of leaders who were pretty vulnerable about behind the scenes trials while needing to hold it together by the grace and power of the Holy Spirit when moving from the back room to the pulpit. They were not making an excuse for sin. And I had just written this blog but not posted it. We do get angry. Jesus acknowleged that. His word says be angry but in your anger do not sin. The above is how I processed anger in order to not sin. But all in all what I heard today was "Jesus loves me". In spite of it all and in spite of it being unresolved even still, so having mixed emotions going on, Jesus loves me not because I do it all the right way or am always right but because He just does. And for that I am thankful!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
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