Walking on Monday (what I hear on sunday)

The whole idea behind my first Devotional Blog Diapers Dishes and Devotions and then starting this one Walking It Out stemmed from wanting to practically apply the word of God and the love of God (His toward me and mine and toward Him) to everyday living. Sometimes though I seem to hit a bit of a wall. Maybe we could say I might pick and choose what parts to walk when. Or maybe I am just a bit confused on HOW to walk it out. Maybe my kids are sick. Or maybe I am. Or maybe I am continually offended by someone and not knowing what to do with the emotions of that even knowing I am supposed to forgive as I am forgiven. So do my emotions mean I haven't forgiven?

See what I mean?

I remember "counseling" a mom of teen age boys about something when I only had very young toddlers and not only that had never been teen age boy myself! There is something in knowing the word of God is TRUTH because you know and trust that to be so. There is something else when you have lived that truth for your self and your family when life has thrown some stuff at you that looks contrary to the word that says "by His stripes you WERE healed" or looks more like a barren land than the one flowing with milk and honey...though as a mom the milk and honey may be all over our furniture, floors, cars, us and our kids.

You know the Doctor might prescribe something and say take one 3 times a day. Or quit smoking. Or walk 20 minutes a day 3x a week. If I just look at that instruction. If I just look at the doctors handwriting and muse to myself and all who will listen "Look at that Doctors handwriting! Isn't it awful!" But never get it filled and follow instructions, I am probably going to be worse off for that. On the other hand, if I follow instructions and take it fully, I am more likely to get healthy results. And frankly I will probably not even begin to see immediate results. (I am not too sure why I would go to a professional that I trust for something and then decide I know better than they do anyway)



That is a pretty good picture of me and the word of God. What if I just hear the word. What if I am not a doer just a hearer like the book of James says it. What if I happen to read it in the old King James and say "that language! That is so archaic! Who can even understand it?" Then never took the time to follow its instructions. Or attempted to a couple of times but didn't see immediate results so decided "It isn't for today. It doesn't work for me."


What if I tried to potty train my kids just one day and have 5 accidents to deal with? Should I give up trying to direct where they are supposed to go and just assume they won't be in diapers when they are adults and let the process all run its own course?

And I am positive Olympic contestants were pushed and trained and they are not ones who quit at the first sign of pain or opposition.
Now see this woman making contact with the baseball? That is us with the word of God against whatever the enemy of our souls may throw our way. We need to skillfully use Gods promises and knock lies and attacks OUT OF THE PARK. Now I don't know about you but skill with a bat does not come natural to me. In fact I prefer not to play the game. However we really don't get to just tell the devil "um I don't like to play that game. no thanks".

King David before he was ever king, was king in training for a long while. He started as a kid watching the family sheep. During that time he practiced his harp and worshipped. He practiced using his sling shot. He killed a lion and a bear. All this before he approached Goliath. See he took time to know his God. He also took time to develop skill. When He approached Goliath he did not trust in his own strength though he had a measure of it by then. It wasn't his first time to lay hand on a sling shot and he refused to use the armor he was unfamiliar with. He spoke what he believed to Goliath and those who doubted...Who is this uncircumcised Philistine!?! Everyone else thought that Philistine was something..But to David that Philistine was eclipsed by the God Most High Mighty in Battle! And wow, boldly said "THIS DAY the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will smite you and cut off your head" and much more did he say and then he proceeded to do just what he declared that the people would know God does not deliver by sword or spear but the battle was His..

Well how did I end up here from where I started? In general, Sunday sermons are not just for Sunday. It is part of getting equipped for life there but one time a week in the word and prayer only goes so far. We need to take time to know God ourselves in our day to day life. Let's take the Gos-pill,if you will, on a regular basis according to instructions, meditating on it day and night that it may go well with us and we would have favor and good understanding. No problems? No, I won't promise that, but far less problems and the way to overcome them.

Monday Musings (and the re-po man)

I so need Monday's. I think I have even posted it before. Like some people want their Friday or Saturday to get here, for me it's Monday. Of course I do not have the added thing to do of clocking in at work on Monday unless I have scheduled an appointment with a client. My weekends are generally so packed and not with things to amuse or refresh but normally it is with thingstodo (albeit usually with people I at least like and many times love),that by Monday I am  exhausted. (I will interject that this weekend I just had was bust out exciting and refreshing! But it is not the one I am writing about for now) Well I can examine all that and figure out where the driven-ness comes from but that is not the reason for this post.
It was a Saturday night while I was standing in an excessively long check out line winding all the way into and on down the frozen food isle with a basket full of sale matched with coupon items, when a young man stepped behind with with just 2 cans of yams. He was on an errand for a friend. I learned that after I offered to let him ahead of me. "You will be checked out before I can finish unloading my cart." It was the evening before Easter so the place and lines were packed with last minute shoppers. He declined for the time being but somehow started talking to me about his job. Alot about his job. Which he loved by the way. He is the owner of a Repossession Company. He does not just order people to do his bidding but does much of it himself. Even went on to tell me how he finds these low livers who don't pay and just takes the car if its in a parking lot without the person even knowing until they come out and find it gone.

The truth is I had been at one time the recipient of a re-po man visit in a situation that really was unjustly handled. I felt pretty wounded by the experience knowing we had been making very large payments which evidently were not being applied correctly but he was not the person who could actually do anything about that. He was just "doin his job" unsavoury as it may have been. Later we learned the car was sold for less than the value and we were still supposed to pay up! Yeah a painful mess. In spite of all that I was speechless pretty much talking to this second generation re-po man.



That was unfortunate and something I am praying about because I wish I had an on time word for him from God. I kept casting around in my mind about what to say to him that would not seem canned or rote religious words but rather prick and awaken that place in him to the things of God. I became very aware that weekend how many people seem to be sheep without a shepherd. I did not know what to say to bring it around. I mean Jesus knew. He would take the woman at the well and identify the real issue beneath the conversation and turn her into the town evangelist. I want that skill. I want to hear the person, hear from God and speak. Or He could find Zaccheus watching from a tree no less, go eat with him and His manner and words so engage Zacs spirit and heart he vowed to return in multiples what he had cheated others out of. To be like Jesus...
As a bit of closure, God has brought us through those awful years where it seemed locust were eating everything we put our hand to as in the book of Joel. Where we needed to trust the God of our hope to sustain us, be our vindicator and restorer. His promise from Isaiah 61:7 is worth reading and holding on to:
Instead of your (former) shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonor and reproach (your people) shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double (what they had forfeited); everlasting joy shall be theirs... and much more if you read on in the amplified version. And that is what we have found through our years. God is FAITHFUL! He can be trusted even in times of devestation that seem to come in ocean like waves. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. His delay is not necessarily His denial, but in there is the working of all things together for our good because we love Him and are called according to His purpose. He is building our character. Our foundations must be strong to hold those big things He has planned for us. And we will be continually amazed at what those things are!

Taking The Fence Off (offence)

There are practical fences.



There are picket fences.



There are privacy fences.




There are fancy fences.




There are fences like this one.



And there are OFFENSES.... I was pondering today my tendency to get offended about certain things and what my response is when I allow that offense not just to happen and roll
away, but to take hold....like a fence post. You know take out the post hole digger and dig deep. Secure the post with cement so it has a firm hold. I do that by dwelling on the offense. And when the next offense comes, why I just set another post and so on, making a fence line. And it is even worse as time goes on because a fence line does get fencing of one sort or another hung on it. And for me it sometimes tends to be the sharp and pointy kind like in the picture above figuratively speaking.

One of the worst things about my offense fence is that it keeps me in too, not just others away. Naturally not everyone should have complete access to my life, making a privacy fence a good thing.  

But this OFFENSE...this is how I recognized it in me. I tend most often to be offended by my husband, sad to say, even when he never intended to offend me. This is partly because the making of a good marriage is a process not the instant happily ever after fairy tales we have been surrounded with all our lives and loved. There is process in making the two, one. First of all he is a man. And men are not women and women are not men. So I hear and see things differently than he does. I feel things differently than he does.

Now there is reason for that, making perfect sense, since together we can form a more well rounded picture of things that need to happen in our lives. NOT me vs him. Well in my natural state of being (the Word of God calls it being in the flesh not the spirit), I can take something he says or does and immediately become offended because it isn't how I would say or do it after all. And I must have this innate sense of I am right, you are wrong in me. And perhaps just a good measure of "I want my own way" selfishness still rearing its ugly head.

Sometimes it is so hard to try to tell these things without quick jumping in to say things like "of course sometimes I am right". *Sigh* So back to how I saw it this time though hopefully I am doing less and less of this as the years go by. Some background to the story...

We were watching something one morning and usually it is Christian programing which is an awesome way, a privileged way actually, to start the day. We love it. But the program had ended and before we could change the channel on comes the infomercial. I am sure many people get sucked right into these (I still want to order the Dog Training Kit!!!). However this one was for a product that promised more energy and weight loss by teaching you what foods are best for your body type and instruction on body sculpting using a resistance band. I wanted to change the channel since, not overly overweight, but moderately perhaps, I was not totally keen on watching women who had not had eight babies and were not my age, but it was kind of interesting and then my husband said something like "why don't you take down the number and order that. You would probably feel better and have more energy"

In fairness I had been worn out for quite a while and have some pretty good reasons for that too, but worn out does not feel good, and he was looking in his man sort of way for a solution to fix this for me, besides what nice things he was doing, like bringing me coffee in the morning sometimes or iced juice in the evening.

Does any one have any guesses on how my pink brain took that suggestion? I said something like "Wow, really? Thanks! That is a great idea! You would really order that for me? Maybe I would start feeling better.."

NOPE.

While I do not remember my exact words...there was no profanity just so you know...
I do remember my resistance to the whole thing and being profoundly offended and sure he must think I am old and fat and I flat out refused to make the call. "You want to get it for me?!? You call!"  And pink makes it look kind of like I said it somewhat nicely but it was actually a bit frosty.  And I left the room.

He made the call.

A couple weeks later the box arrived. I set it aside for two days. Then he started wondering out loud why the stuff had not come yet. I told him it had. Which meant opening the box to find several DVDs, CDs, books, binder, cards, resistance band and so on...Have you ever had to assemble something that came in pieces, like a bike or swing set? You have to be motivated. He tried using the word WE as in WE will feel much better when WE do this...but I was pretty sure there was not going to be a WE figuring this out and that when it was finally assembled it would be ME doing it. And that is how it was, only it was still several more days later. It took time but wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I became a bit intrigued by the test to see what type of food worked best for my metabolism and decided I would give it a try.

So that was about 5 days ago. Today I realized that I am starting to see a difference. Not that I don't want a short mid afternoon nap still if I am hanging around home at that time. But one of the things I realized was that I like the idea that my posture might improve. I had used nursing 8 children as an excuse long enough! (Our youngest is about 16 now) I did not realize it had bothered me because I did not have to look at me slouching my shoulders forward- my husband and others did. I am able to tighten my belt a notch too. Weird. My muscles are so willing to do what muscles are meant to do and I am happy about that. I was never much of an athlete but I did like training at the gym years back. I had forgotten that.

What I realized also, was my tendency to get offended could keep me from something that really is good for me. I can look back and see other instances where this has been true too. You know, because I am offended I can not take even good advice from the one who offended me. I think bitterness is like poison ivy climbing the fence. So best to take the advice from Jesus when his disciples asked how many times they should forgive...like 7 maybe...that does feel like quite a stretch sometimes but we have a life to live and He knows how we should live it best so said "No I say to you 7x70". WOW Lord really?

He just wants to fulfill His promise to FILL my life with GOOD things and staying offended  when the inevitable offences come, just does not let them in.

 

What I Said (what God heard)

I am wondering how that title comes across because this time it isn't that I said anything bad.
Did you ever hear of "fox hole conversions"? Most likely you have. It is essentially an "if You God, will do such and such then I will do this, that or the other" prayer bargain. Fox hole because it is a soldier in desperate straits that is praying to live and getting out alive will serve God and so on as my husband did when in Viet Nam. (and has endeavored to hold to his end of the bargain as long as I have known him through our thick and thin years of marriage)

 


They are not always dire circumstances though. Some times we make a statement that we think we are up to living out in our own strength. Like the time before I got married and was so excited by how God provided for Pat and Dede Robertson in the early days of their ministry and for George Mueller as he built orphanages trusting God to supply EVERYTHING for them. I prayed sincerely "GOD I WANT TO LEARN TO LIVE BY FAITH" I think God was just waiting for me to ask and that began quite a journey for us walking with God.


But that is not the exact subject of this writing. This is about another statement I made once upon a time and more than once actually in response to my husband wanting to build an orphanage on our property...

I want to defend myself so much here because I am about to sound hard hearted and if you really know me you know I am not! I knew an orphanage was BEYOND my strength and ability and emotional stores to do. See, I saw myself as being the mom of all of them, when I was already the mom of our own 8 biological children plus other endeavors that included other children. Soooooooo here is what I would say:


"If God ever brought a baby to my door that needed me, you know I would be on that and take care of that baby! I just do not feel up to purposely setting out to take care of more. I am at my limit."

I guess sometimes we do not know our own limit as well as God does...He says in Isaiah 54 after all "expand the place of your tent" among other things like the children of the desolate woman will be more than those of the married woman.

The likelihood of that baby on my doorstep was so slim. Or so I thought. Then one day God knocked on my door.  One of my sons brought home the news a baby was on the way through a relationship that was not going to continue between himself and the baby's mom in a way that would have the two of them raising this little one together in marriage.

Knock, knock. "Lea, are you listening? Because I, God, was."
Knock, knock. "Lea, are you even looking out the window to see Who is at the door?"
Knock, knock. "Lea, I, God, have a special delivery for you. You already verbally agreed to it. It  has to be signed for though, this one can not be left outside the door."

Sometimes packages don't come packaged the way we like, but when we open them we find the most precious gift inside!


So as time passed the little girl in the God box joined our home. Starting with a nursery crib graduating to the bottom of the bunk bed with Minnie Mouse comforter and sheets, toys, princess clothes, diapers on to potty training, pacies and bottles on to sippy cups, being fed to feeding herself. Toddling to running, using a scooter, singing songs from her car seat every where she went. Helping feed the dogs, cat and fish. Sitting with Grandpa while he watched Joseph Prince or Bill Winston and asking a continuous stream of questions all the while.

Oh sure the crabby moments were there too. Times of sickness and toddler tantrums.We know life is not all glossy and airbrushed. I will admit I was tired. I felt guilty being tired. I had been a SAHM almost entirely while raising our own kids when they were young. Even with her daddy on hand, he did have to work. Even with Grandpa and my daughter involved they both had full days too. Even with one week a month trips to maternal family who also love her.  So we enrolled her in Mini Miracles Daycare.  We all adjusted and she was like a little sister to the kids we had left at home- well except for her daddy of course- he was Daddy. And look what we got:

I know, she is adorable right?

Then a career change came about meaning she and her daddy were moving out of state.

That was last week. I am really trying to get my emotions to line up with my trust, that God has a plan for her that fits with the plan He has for my son. The "strange" thing is that I spoke on Mothers Day at our church about the life circumstances that reposition people and place them smack in line with their life purpose to unfold. Like Jocabed and her baby Moses. Like Hannah and baby Samuel. Like Joseph the dreamer, the slave, the prisoner, to the second in command in Egypt. Like Naomi and Ruth. Like Esther.

And the thing is the circumstances they experienced were hard and even frightening!
The  kind we want to avoid, but they are the kind God is so good at redeeming and bringing beauty for ashes and joy to replace the heaviness. The kind that we are dangerously close to becoming bitter from if we don't trust He has better than bitter for us.

So God was listening to what I said. He took me up on it. He had a suprise package for me. A special delivery. One He knew I would love. It just didn't have an expiration date stamped on it letting me know how long it would last after opening. There I was once again living like I had years and years of hands on time when really what I had was a few very short years to lay a foundation for others to lovingly build on. You know sometimes the gift does come wrapped in way we are not very excited about at first but it is a GIFT. What we do with that gift becomes our gift back to God.

February's Shoes (one size fits all)

 Could you imagine a one size fits all shoe? Yeah, me either. At least not if its made from man made materials. Or what about a shoe that fits every occasion? Is there such a thing? Not really, though some of us probably could do with fewer shoes than we have in our possession, it is wonderful to have shoes that fit the activity and outfit.

This being the month of February upon us, and that means the Valentines holiday, I thought I would write about something I heard being discussed on a program. Honestly I don't know which one it was or even who the speaker was or I would give them due credit. The topic was marriage. You would think after 34 years of marriage I would have heard all I needed to know about the relationship wouldn't you? And especially from someone YOUNGER than me. (Pride you may lower your ugly head!)

 I have also lived long enough, and Marty and I have been married long enough, to know not every day is a happily ever after day. Some days are just ordinary days. Some days are the kind that make you wonder if you will ever get merging your life with the person you have committed yourself to, until death do us part, right. Some days you feel the bliss of contentment with your marriage, and some days you choose contentment. So.....

 On to what the speaker was saying. She said we should be giving our spouse one compliment a day. Intentionally. I do not remember if there were statistics involved about what kind of difference this makes, but the challenge stuck with me.

What would life be like if I gave my husband a compliment a day? Every day. You know, looked for the good. Not default to the things that I might dwell on due to my tendency to get offended or just irritated and hide myself away, snapping and snarling at him if he comes close to my hide away. Or putting an Ice Wall up to further prevent communication. I don't think I am as bad as all that sounds, at least not for the most part.

Oh, not that the sinful nature of me might not bring it to the brink and if not for the grace of God manifest itself at times...But do I tend to dwell on the negative. I am kind of that way. Except not so much in any relationship but my marriage. Hmmmm. Why would I be gracious and encouraging to those who have not invested so many years of their life in mine, then not give that much and more to one who has? Even if I don't like everything that has transpired in our entire history together.

Why am I keeping a record of wrongs? Who ever gave me that right? And gosh do I want someone keeping a record of MINE to quickly page through and find the appropriate thing to hold a magnifying glass over to remind me of? Why no, I do not.

Just what would happen if I take the challenge I am challenging us all with now? I am about to find out and in less than 30 days (because this is the short month...the one that brings the bill cycle around more quickly than the others but I guess also the pay check)

So lets do this thing! Are you on board? If you are not married, what about complimenting your kids, or co-worker or parent. You get it. I will check in with you and you check in with me and see how we are doing. We are slipping on our walking in love shoes this month and truly one size does fit all. Remember one deliberate compliment a day starting today. Let's get started...

Roadside Boxes (and blankets)

I needed a box. A big one!

Yesterday I mentioned this to the LORD in pondering the blanket drive we were starting again this year at Living Waters Worship Center to help supply area shelters. We had done this the previous year and I believe we ended up with around 78 or more brand new blankets to share among 4 shelters.

In my mind this past Christmas season we already had a number of projects going on to help people in need, so I had decided to not have a "Bring A Blanket" drive. Then someone sorking with a shelter, approached me asking if we would be donating blankets this year. And then another someone and then I was at a Veterans home where a need for blankets for another place was shared....

Well ok then LORD...maybe you do want this happening. Still in all I did not want to burden the congregation and did not even have the ability to help supply them yet either...Then a blanket was given to me in case we were giving blankets to a womens shelter...and then I was approached again..Maybe I just needed my spiritual ears cleaned out! And then I was told 20 hats had just been knit and donated for us to give to the mens shelter. They are now on my desk awaiting their new owners.

So it was announced Sunday that for the next two weeks we would be collecting NewTwin Size Blankets again to deliver to the area shelters. Next, I needed to get a LARGE box to collect them in for this Sunday coming up. And so the pondering...Where am I going to get a box that size LORD? I am picturing stopping at a couple different places to check availability. I really am just not energetic right now..it's winter (yes I know it has been mild so far), my youngest son just moved (glad for him yet still sad you know), my dad has been in the hospital 3 times in 2 weeks, Christmas stuff still not completely down and still some gifts I have not even  mailed to my grandkids yet (what a weighty and embarrassing confession that is!), my washer is still broken. Yes. Well in all that, I am still more than a conqueror as Apostle Paul would say...persecuted not abandoned...pressed down but not destroyed...nothing separating me from Gods love...
And I am NOT in a homeless shelter or even close! So coming home from prayer meeting last night lo and behold on the side of Highway 149 is a huge ....go on, you guess...no, not a tiger... not an animal at all, but a box! My eyes opened wide...

As we continued on our way passing it by, I casually said to Marty,
"I need that box".
"Why do you need that box? You don't know what it was used for or if it is even empty and since it is late, I do not want to go check it out".
"OK. But I want you to know that box is an answer to prayer".  At least I was pretty sure it was. So I explained myself, we pulled into the driveway, and went inside the house. I got busy and forgot about the box actually.
This morning after taking Lily to school and Adrena to daycare he came in and said,
"The box is still there and it flapped open as I drove past. It's empty. We can go get it if you still want it."

So my partner in some of my ministry endeavors (although sometimes it is the other way around and I am a partner in his) took me back, broke down the very large box, put in in the back of his already loaded with someotherthingsfromme jeep, and took us home before he headed off to work at the office. (Thanks Honey!)

If I needed more signs from God that He has need of blankets for some of His people, this one, providing the box, really clinched it...even so He allowed me to talk at length today with a woman (a friend I had not seen in years) who works with one of the shelters...and so for now this is what we are doing and if you live nearby and want to help over the next couple weeks..Please bring a blanket.  Must be new and twin size. Thanks!!! You may drop them off at our church Sunday mornings 88 E US Highway 6 in Valparaiso or even at one of our offices Angel Auto Insurance (RT 6 Hobart or Willowcreek Rd Portage)

Un-Decking The Halls (gettting the decorations down)

Not ever the quickest to get my decorations up in the first place, I am now faced with taking them down and *sigh* putting them away... In their proper storage bins so they are easy to locate next year. And then up the stairs into the attic. I really love how my house looks when it is Christmas decorated! But now 2 weeks past not so much.

Slowly, and slowly is the key word here, I have been taking things off the walls. Garland and lights are off the banister, careully placed on the couches and coffee tables where they really do not belong. Felt gingerbread people no longer hung on the enormous oven hood WITH CARE because as I write this I realize hanging them there sounds hazardous but if you saw them you would know it wasn't. Penguins off the fake Hibiscus tree in the kitchen. Mini ornaments off the "kid tree" which was at one point stunningly decorated with a slinky and foam flowers and "normal decorations".

So why am I moving slow as molasses on a winters day? Why am I not jumping in to clean this mess up and restore post Christmas order to my home? I do not know. Really. I don't. I think it is because this year unless I want to wait until it is dark outside and temperatures have dropped and I have a school day weary daughter to help, I am doing this alone and it is ALOT of work. I could tell the overcast weather was trying to cast a blanket over my mood yesterday because I started feeling sorry for myself. Ummm yes, that is what it was for real. Feeling sorry for myself. I told myself I was like one of the maids in the movie I had just watched last weekend, "The Help". (See how what we watch can affect our thoughts? I don't think I am the only one with a suseptible brain). 

So now that I have vented a bit with this blog..and in light of the sunnier day we have today...and in spite of my low energy level, which there are any number of reasons for...I am going to at least begin pulling the bins into the family room (here known by the knick name the TV Room) and into the Living Room (aka the Fireplace Room). I am pretty sure to have help hauling them upstairs when it is time, although it will probably be with a fair amount of reluctance that they are hauled.

You know that scripture in Proverbs that says "Where no oxen are the stall is clean"? As in: we should be glad to have the stall to clean even though that is unpleasant, since it means we have the oxen to help us produce our livelyhood. Well, in the case of unpleasant other tasks like this (and really comparatively it isn't as bad as shoveling heaping piles of steaming, poopy straw out of an animal stall)... Anyway...as in this case it means I have a home to decorate for Christmas. I have decorations to decorate with and a family to do that for and celebrate with...
So now I have reason to rejoice. See I just needed you all to help me straighten my thinking cap out. Thanks! I am now off to continue un-decking my halls....

Emotions (not responding to logic)

He just isn't here anymore. Physically that is. My mind climbs the stairs to his room and then remembers all over again. Yesterday he moved. Yesterday I held my tears tight so he wouldn't be embarassed at the airport. My youngest son just 17 moving across the country. A good move. An awesome opportunity. He is with people who love him. I know it. Logic tells me so. Even my spirit tells me so. Ahh but my emotions just do not want to get in line with that today.

So typing and wiping the tears off my cheeks I am grateful for the normal things going on around me. Taking Lily to school. Dishes needing to be done. Annali not feeling well so I get to help with baby Lincoln for a while. A visit to my parents, taking a senior cup of coffee to Dad, who can't drive yet after his TIA last weekend, for his morning McDonalds coffee ritual. Thankful for the milder winter day and the bird feeder my nephew made for us as I hung it up today.

You know Abe wasn't always downstairs all day long, but he was home. When my mind travelled to where different ones of my kids would be, I could place them. So when I would think upstairs to Abe, I could place him there in my mind. I could count on being asked food questions throughout the day... What's for breakfast (or lunch or dinner)? I spent the last two weeks making as many of his favorites as possible knowing he would be leaving soon.

 And then "suddenly it came to pass" as one of my favorite passages in the Bible goes...because we seem to waaaaaaaait....at times for the answer to prayer and promises we are given and then suddenly it does come to pass...! With plans put together in an amazingly short amount of time and smoothly I should add, suddenly the day was here to get him to the airport.  And leave him there. After he crossed the threshold of scanners and places where only ticketed passengers are allowed to go...the place I could not go...because now the hands on day to day part of raising him was out of my hands.

For this to be hard and sad is not the indication of a hovering controlling mom. It is the normal releasing of a child by a proud, loving, mom who didn't know her time would be up so quickly. One who feels the emptiness there is when a child transitions. I know I will adjust. I know it is a new year and a new season in so many ways. I am not a complete empty nester, thank God. I just love my youngest son and today I miss him. In spite of all I can tell myself. And that is ok.

Turning Swords Into Plowshares

 Driving home after dropping Lily off at school and Adrena at daycare, I was pondering yet again the fierceness of the struggles we have encountered the past couple of months. Almost as if everything we declared was good in our lives met with incredible challenge to prove it was NOT so. Sadly, even to the point where my mom had tears in her eyes as she observed that the children who seemed most openly tied to a walk with God were the ones who struggled the most. It hurt that my mom would have to worry about me. Or that my kids would feel that they have to try to figure out how to solve our problems or that we may be a burden to them as we work through this. That we are even going through some of the things we are going through is embarrassing! That others looking on would not see a "victorious walk in God" but instead a reason to want to run the other way from walking with Him. That frankly I was grasping at straws when it came to the "Why" of all the things. I had no real answers unless I wanted to play the blame game which I found myself  playing to some extent.

I know I can look at the past and see where wrong turns were made, with me making my own fair share of them, but isn't GOD BIGGER than all that? Yes, of course He is! He is the author of grace- which means unmerited favor. The favor I do not earn for myself. He is also LOVE. He is also the One who tells me to cast my cares on Him because He cares for me. And He supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. He is my peace.

Yet my life was not matching these heart held declarations. Enter the piece of the message we heard this morning by Joseph Prince. Among many things he said was this one that lept to my ears and heart. A leader is formed, a ministry is birthed, in the crucible of fiery trials. That gave me hope. (Not  allowance to make excuses for anything we may need to take responsibility for, but hope all the same.)

Definitions of crucible (n)

1.container for melting something: a heat-resistant container in which ores or metals are melted

2.bottom of furnace: the hollow part at the bottom of a furnace where molten metal collects 3.testing circumstances: a place or set of circumstances where people or things are subjected to forces that test them and often make them change


Most of us have been fire walkers at one time or another, of one sort of fire or another. One of my problems tends to be going through a trial and finally getting through it by applying God tools from His holy toolbox (Bible) then putting that tool away thinking I will never need to use it again. These have been the days of needing every tool I ever needed to learn to use. I can not just stare at the tool box and expect the tools to magically march out on their own and start going to work for me. My inward scream and outward crabbiness and dispay of fear are not going to get me very far. In fact that may cause me to lose ground.                                                        
                                                                                                               

Did I learn to speak in faith? I must do that now.
Did I learn to agree in prayer with others and the word of God? I must do that now.
Did I learn to give thanks in everything? I must do that now.
Did I learn God will never leave me or forsake me? I must still trust that truth.
Did I learn to pray in the Spirit? I must continue.
Did I learn to take God given authority over demonic strategies and do not wrestle with flesh and blood? I must do that now.
Did I learn I am hidden in Christ my hiding place? I must realize that still.
Did I learn I to put on the armor of God? I must wear it still.
Did I learn to not be surprised by the fiery trials which are to try me? I must not be surprised then.
Did I learn it is the plan of satan to steal, kill, destroy, devour, lie? I must be aware of his strategies.
Did I learn no weapon formed against me will prosper? I must believe that now.
Did I learn when I lie awake at night troubles overwhelming me, to pray then for my neighbors? I must pray for them knowing I am not the only one with difficulties.
Did I learn all things may not be good but will, by God, work together for my good? I must still trust that.
Did I learn God promises to give me wisdom? I must ask then trust He is giving it.
Did I learn that I must forgive as I am forgiven? I must forgive those who offend me.
Did I learn that having done all to stand, then STAND? Then I will by Gods grace STAND still and see the salvation of the LORD. 

Well I didn't plan to go into all that, but what I was thinking on my way home was about swords and plowshares. Before a plowshare can be used in the land, the land has to first be taken. What is the land you are being moved to possess? Is it the life of a child? Is it your home? Your finances? Your business or ministry? Is it a neighborhood or city or nation? Is it your own broken heart or spirit? Your health? Your marriage?
There is first warfare involved in taking the land. We have to clear away the presence of the enemy who has no right to our land, but doesn't care and will take it unless we stop him. Take up the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. It isn't just a book of words to read. It is living, active and powerful!

Then, when we have secured the land, we can begin to plow the land. Many times land that has not been worked for a long time is stoney and hard. Plowing that type of ground is pretty tough work.

So while we may be past the actual warfare, and "own" the land, it doesn't prepare itself, nor plant itself, nor cultivate itself and keep itself weedfree, insect free and pruned. I have tired myself out just thinking about all that while writing that sentence! We also have to have boundaries to keep predators out.                             

                                                                                        

In the end though, it is worth it. In the end we have something to bless ourselves and others. We have satisfaction. We have fruit for our effort. We have partnered in bring forth life that endures!

And the life of Christ has been formed in us and those around us. We have planted the Heavens by our efforts. All of that is what Satan hoped to stop when the fiery trials hit. But God who loves us is able to WORK ALL THINGS ( the good, the bad and the ugly) TOGETHER FOR OUR GOOD.

I the God of Israel, will not forsake them, I will open rivers in desolate hieghts and fountains in the midst of the valleys, I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water. Isaiah 41:18 NKJ

  

 Just a few references:

Peace- Isaiah 26:3,12

Trials and Refined as Silver-Isaiah 48:10, I Peter 1:6-9, James 1:2-4

Hidden in Christ- Colossians 3: 2-3

Never Separated from His love-Romans 8:31-39, Hebrews 13:5-6, Isaiah 41: 9-13

God working things together for good- Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11-14

Weapons, warfare and armor-Ephesians 6:10-20, Isaiah 54:17, Luke 10: 18-20

Wisdom- James 1:5-7

Forgiveness-Matthew 6:12-14, Ephesians 1:7

Swords into plowshares-Isaiah 2:4, Micah 4:3 and this one is just the opposite; it speaks of turning plowshares into swords Joel 3:10



What Not To Wear (not ever)

Should I wear this, or should it be this, or should it be....I have never really figured out how much time I spend choosing what I am wearing for what ever thing I am doing. Sometimes what ever it is will have to work for a few different things I am doing that day as I go from one thing to another in my work a day mom world. I prefer grocery shopping in my jeans but that may be following a business type meeting. I am trying to develop a dressy casual look that can go both places but have to admit while shopping at Aldis is definately on my list of things to do for the great deals, I still feel funny shopping there immediately after church or the office. I feel like I am over dressed because I am one of those who likes to dress up a bit which may include heels with the ensemble.



All of this said to say...yesterday morning was church...so I took time to pull out an outfit that was smashed under some other articles of clothing waiting to "be put away". I hung the quite wrinkled items on hangers (ahem, yes now instead of days ago when they first came from the dryer). I proceeded to spray them down with a handy dewrinkler product my sister gave me most likely because she had observed my frantic run to toss items into the dryer while getting ready for something or because she had stepped in to help iron things before one of my daughters weddings (a pretty funny inside joke that will put a smile on her face like it does mine when I remember it). I have also been known to use my hair straightener to do quick fixes on my collars and the bottom edge of shirts that want to roll up.


So here is what happened. I proceeded to do make up, choose shoes and accessories, get the now wrinkle free clothes on and walk out the bathroom door to be met with the words "honey you know the red shirt you sometimes wear?" What ?!? What is he talking about? He hates when I wear red. (and for the record black is on his least favorite color for me to wear list too) Did I gently inquire with "no darling, which shirt is it you mean?" Uh uh. No. I became like a porcupine with all quills at attention.


So began the sunday morning battle that tries to steal our peace on the way to minister and have open hearts to be ministered to as well...(surely we have company in these skirmishes world over)


Shortly I learned which shirt it was and ladies and gentlemen it is one my husband bought me which is not solid red but has paisley burgandy, tan and brown designs. It is one he loves on me and one I do like but was more casual than I wanted to have on that day. Besides it would not match my grey dress pants and black high heels.  It would mean an overall change of said ensemble. And besides all that, I just did not want to change. 


This would be a great time for the sound effects of brakes squealing to the stop sign...I just did not want to change...my clothes or my attitude either one. So of course I tried to point out the sensibility of keeping what I wanted on. Without having him feel that it meant I hated the shirt he loves because I don't and I don't want to offend him either. Although I was myself offended that my appearance was not lovely in his sight.

Looming large was the pretty much unfavorite verse for many women because we think it devalues us somehow. It is the one from Ephesians that kept whispering to me "wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord" Yes that one. Not submit when it makes you happy to or makes sense to you or continues to let you have all your own way about things...and as unto the Lord...do it for Jesus sake, the One Who laid His life down for me do it as if I were doing it for Him. I said my life is His so shouldn't my actions line up with my words for goodness sake?Not that there wasn't some "I don't care if you like the other better" stuff bouncing around in my heart too. I did however, give my life to Jesus 30 some years ago and become a new creature in Christ like the Bible says. So I may be imperfect in walking it out sometimes but overall it is the standard that I stake my actions on since that divine transaction over my life took place.




Do any of you remember Esther before she won the kings heart and place as his queen asking the one in charge of preparing her for her night with the king to choose for her what the king would like. Most women probably went for what they liked and made them feel pretty and hopefully worthy of the king using all the physical charms they had. Esther had those charms but she also had something more, a desire to learn what would please the king. We know who became the queen.

Even so what offends my heart also reveals my heart. I did not want to change. I wanted to be thought attractive in what I wanted to wear but you know what is NEVER attractive? A bad attitude. Unforgiveness. Anger.Bitterness. Self righteousness. An unloving attitude. Grudges. Pride. Stubborness. None of it looks good no matter what shoes I wear. There are scriptures about what to take off and what to put on. We could call them the "what not to wear" scriptures after one of my favorite shows. Then we could talk about the scriptures that tell us what to wear.
That will be a different day though.

For today I just want to mention the one from 1 Peter 3:3-4
Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold or putting on fine apparel-rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

Here is to some quiet spiriting by the grace of God! And guys if you are in on this reading -no fair intentionally pushing our buttons!

The Inside Kitty (and the day God has made)

Did you ever have a day that seemed really divinely orchestrated in spite of your own self? A day you didn't set apart for something like a wedding or party yet when the day happened was perfect for what you had to do? That is this day for me. What is it you ask? Well nothing most of us would normally be saying "this is the day the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it!" And yet I am! Story behind the story....

One month ago I took Lily to the Hobart Humane Society to look  at kittens. Just look. Period. No purchase promise. In fact we "WOULD NOT BE GETTING AN INSIDE CAT". Don't laugh at me yet. And apologies to you friends who dearly cherish animals but most of our animals for years were outdoor living due to allergies and athsma and life busy enough with a household of 8 children.

On our first stop they had just closed. Oh how sad... but you know for Lily it really was. And I love her so I was sad for her even if I had breathed a secret sigh of relief for my own sake. And you know my word is supposed to be my bond so this meant after our next day visit to the Chiropractor we would stop again during their open hours. Lily happily strode in. I followed trying to look engaged in the whole process. Naturally God has made baby creatures absolutely adorable....but none of the kitty cats in the front were yet heart grabbers for which I was thankful. I really was.

But you know not only do I love Lily but God does too and knows the desires of her heart and after all I have got to remember life is not all about me and only what I like. "Are there more kittens somewhere?" we asked. "Certainly. In the hallway is a room off to the right with more and you can take them out of the cage into the room across the hall and play with them"...oh they know what they are up to....

Into the room we went and there was Charlie. Front and center. 4 months old. Like Marys little Lamb except he followed some kids home from school one day and ended up at Hobart Humane Society.
"Oh Lily no" I silently pleaded. "Don't open the cage door",  as she was proceeding to open the cage door.
She pulled Charlie out to cuddle him and I am not kidding you he reached out with his front paws and HUGGED MY ARM! Oh no! Why kitty Charlie? Why would you hug this self professed non inside kitty  persons arm? Is it because you saw something in me that my tough no inside kitty exterior could not  hide from you?

We left Charlie that day since I really had no money to adopt him. Because her dad loves Lily, he said he thought an inside kitty would be nice to have. And not only do her daddy and I love Lily, her brother does too and Abe gave up part of his birthday money to get Charlie for Lily as an early birthday present for her. So the next day we were back to make him Lily's.

And he fits here. Makes everyone happy. Even the dogs. Already litter trained, only a couple of issues we are working to resolve. (Finds the curtains especially intriguing and attack worthy. Also loves to jump on the table which is especially a NO in my house rules.)

And then there was the promise we made to the shelter to have him nuetered. Today was that day. And it could not have come at a better time. He and our two dogs had developed a flea problem that was starting to affect people too. So today he is getting his male kitty stuff done and treated for worms, fleas, mites, long claws, rabies and something else that I can't remember.

In the mean time I have purchased and am using (well have been until this break) all the equipment needed to treat the dogs and house to rid us of fleas. So see I know it isn't a day most people would be rejoicing in but if you saw how busy my life gets and how rare it is to have a whole saturday just open itself to coordinate all of this at once maybe you would rejoice with me too.

Soon we will have to go pick up our inside kitty cat from the Anderson Feline Clinic. But we won't be asking for Charlie because he has a new name...(kind of like God having new names for us written on a white stone that only we will know that the book of Revelation talks about in Chapter 2 vs17 except everyone gets to know our kittens new name and it will be engraved on his tag not a stone). We will be picking up Saint Mewis.

Have blessed weekend. Time for me to get back to task...

Gate Keepers (the gate swings both ways)

This is the thing...if I don't get to blogging early when the idea is fresh, it is really hard to get back to. It's kind of like praying and reading the word. If I don't "hide out" pretty much immediately in the first morning hour on my living room corner of the couch where my Bible, books, notebooks and pens are right next to me on the end table with great lighting, that time is pretty well swept away in the flurry of the day. Hard to find and get back ahold of.

 I did get a bit of my Bible time in before the rest of the day took hold and some thoughts worth jotting down and thinking about (aka meditating on) stood out to me. That dear reader is what this days writing will be about. It is a new brick to add to something I had been building on previously but not written about. Its about DOORS.
As in Who is knocking and should I open or not?

 Even before we get to the doors though there is a gate

From 1 Chronicles 16 (what I was reading this morning) there is the telling of bringing the Ark of God (different than Noah's ark) back to Israel but this time correctly since it had been attempted before without consulting God just doing things the way it seemed to mans mind would be good and honoring except it had disastrous results.

Don't we get ourselves into some fine fixes when we go about things our own way sometimes. Like this (whatever I think this is) makes me good enough for Heaven when God Himself already told us how to go about being good enough by receiving what HE says is the only way good enough to get us there... accepting that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (meaning I am a sinner), believing that Jesus died for my sins and confessing that as true before others. Its the A,B,C's of Salvation..

There I am rabbit trailing again..someone may have needed that though.
So yes, DOORS and GATES

.

Verse 18 talks about who the GATE KEEPERS were and verse 24 the DOOR KEEPERS. This reminded me of a situation where someone doing work for us here wanted to have an acquaintance come over to help.  After a bit of background on the person, I said no. This made me appear mean and uncaring in his eyes and I simply told him "I am a gate keeper here and have say over who or what is allowed to come in" Sounds a little archaic as far as terminology goes and it was the first time I had ever said it. It turned out later we were to learn how wrong it would have been to let that acquaintance join him here as we became aware of newer events in his life. Super unhealthy in fact.

Sometimes we think because we are Christians we are to have an open door policy to show Gods love to others but I don't believe that is true. Life without limits is chaotic. Water has borders and look what happens if it doesn't stay put there...Tsunamis...and light breezes are ok but heavy winds need to be still or stay high above the earth...don't invade my happy space with the things and people important to me. No hurricanes or tornadoes wanted here. Earthquakes where the earth is moving out of its proper place. Not good. Undisciplined kids, lawless community structure which is not structure at all bring ruin. Get where I am coming from now in a general sort of way? Soooo bringing it home....

We give permission to things that enter our lives. (Not to be mistaken with sometimes wrong and horrible things do happen in our lives uninvited.) Just as we have gates and doors to yards, homes or at least our own rooms, we have spiritual gates and doors. What we allow in either way can affect us spiritually and in many other ways. And sometimes to paraphrase an old saying we need to tell those wrong things "don't let the gate door hit you where the good Lord split you" as we send them on their way out of our lives for good.

Something allowed to get through the front gate it has easier access to my door.It is why parents get frantic even belligerent seemingly about things their kids want to do sometimes.  It is also harder to remove something once it has been already allowed into our lives. A simple example would be smoking. How many people wish they had never gotten started with that? A miserable relationship. Messing around with occult stuff. 1 Chronicles talks about Gate Keepers and Door Keepers as separate things.    

How do I gate keep aside from naturally assessing things and saying yes or no? Prayer. We have great authority given into our hands by God to use for good in this world. He says
"Behold I give you power to tread on serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt you." Luke 10:19-20 
"In my name you shall cast out demons"Mark 16:17
Look not every crummy thing happening is a demon, but the devil does masquerade as an angel of light to deceive and we are not supposed to live ignorant of his devices and think that he will leave us alone if we pretend he isn't around or don't make trouble for him by standing up to him and setting captives free and keeping ourselves and family free. So when he comes slinking around the gate say "NO in JESUS name NO! Leave now!" He has to bow to the name of Jesus but he may try again just to see if you meant it. Just like trespassers who take my no trespassing signs down around our property. Have to rehang the signs because we mean it really!

Four points just to wrap it up today:
*Some people or things are allowed past my gate
*Some people or things are not even allowed in
*Some may be in the yard but not allowed in the house
*Some may get permission to come in the house but not access every room

I will be continuing in this  gate and door line for a few more future blog posts...have a blessed week and take some time to check your gates...

One Prayer (like potato chips can't stop at one)

If God were to come to you and give you opportunity to have one specific prayer asked would you be able to pare it down to just one request? What is on your heart most? Is it the thing that brings you to tears when you think of it being answered? Maybe it doesn't but it is still the thing that occupies your heart and mind so frequently.



Watching a minister yesterday morning on television he began closing out his message with this very thing. What do you most want God to change or move in your life between you and God not you and everyone else? After you pray, write it down and date it. Do you have a notebook or journal for stuff like that? Now would be a good time to start if you don't have one already. (candle not necessary but Bible is a perfect addition)

Here is what I found myself doing. An instant request came to mind. The primary pressing concern of my days pretty much every day these past few years. The kind of thing I worry over instead of casting over (on Him who cares for me). So I prayed that along with a couple of promises from scripture to declare and position my answer on. Then in came another thing I wanted answers for. Then another and so on until I found myself with several I want God to handle for me all tacked on.

It made me feel like I was being like the senate and congress members who debate and try to pass or veto then in the hopes of getting a pet issue taken care of tack it on to a major bill moving through hidden in the mess of legal verbiage.

Well fortunately for us we don't have to stop with one prayer only and am I ever glad about that! And we don't have to sneak one or two more in between the layers of the first one either! We are invited to come boldly to God's Throne of Grace. We are told whatever we desire when we pray believe we recieve it and we shall have it.

And it doesn't all depend on my own perfection in everything I do. My racking up good God points that out number my bad ones. Not "I get my prayer answered because I do so much better than the other guy or gal" either. 

It is because I am righteous through the sacrifice Jesus made for me and my sins. He makes it so I can boldly approach the Grace throne. (Recently heard at the county fair of all places:  GRACE= God's Riches At Christ's Expense and thought that was pretty good) Ok we all know we are not to trample on that grace either by purposely sinning just to take advantage of it either right? Our minds can twist things up pretty much for our own advantage so have to remember to use Gods word in a right way too. Sooooo go now! What are you waiting for? Ask! He is waiting to hear from you. Remember write it down. Years later you will be amazed to look over your journals and see how "it came to pass"...