The Long Walk (to get there)

Just a bit ago I was finishing up looking at a book and some playtime with one of my grandbabies. I was struck then by the realization that I feel old tonight. Oh not decrepit and entirely feeble and all that. Just the feeling that "the vision" I had for ministry stuff is yet unfulfilled. And it made me sad. I know it doesn't mean it isn't yet for a future time. Like Sara, Abraham's wife who waited a longggggg time for the promise. Like Hannah. Like Ruth and Naomi. Like Abigail. Like so many who waited for the promises of God. And in the mix of waiting is everyday life. That's not such a bad thing. There are plenty of good and powerful blessings in everyday life. The ordinary preparing us for the extraordinary.
I am all about the preparation phase of fulfilling the promised things. Turkey is not done til its done and cake isn't cake with out all the ingredients and proper cooking time. Gourmet foods take more time and preparation. More care,special seasonings.Babies ought not be born until they are fully developed. And it was in the fullness of time that God sent His Son into the world not before.
I guess I am trying to encourage myself in the Lord and His ways. He is the one who knows when I am "done". I think I remember the energy I used to have and seem to have zip of now. I also think when I do the dastardly thing we are warned not to do(since it is not wise) of comparing myself with others in ministry, I see how young everyone is. There is, I have to remind myself something fine about aged things in some categories. Maybe this is all menopausal musings tonight. That could be the reason I am so tired and melancholy. Maybe this difficulty I am having tonight is good for someone else to know. Most of us are in waiting for something. Most of us are trusting in faith for something. Most of us know the sweetness of promises fulfilled along the way. I guess tonight the vision was feeling about dead. Seeing that looks kind of silly to me. I could live to be 100- though I am not really trying for that (sorry kids). If I do, I am only just barely half way through life. I am maybe only half baked..
Maybe the " vision for yet an appointed time" is preceded by a steadfast walk and then a short burst at the finishing lap. What do I know? My times are in His hands. Right now it feels like a long walk and I really hope its not like the wilderness walk. I don't want to be stubborn and rebellious at all.
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary
They shall walk and not faint
Isaiah 40:31
Sometimes it seems waiting is a silent stillness. A rest. Sometimes I just wonder if waiting is active. Not wasted activity but a purposeful attention toward the Lord and His voice. A time of activity before the goal is actually accomplished. A waiting expectantly for the thing I am waiting for. Like when I waited for my babies to be born. Lots of activity related to building babies and lots of activity going on in life in general at the same time but still expectantly waiting for that new baby to be held in my arms.. then the growing of that baby into a young man or woman with vision and responsibility of their own that takes years and alot of action but looking for an expected end.
You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth
And called from its farthest regions
And said to you
You are my servant
I have chosen you and have not cast you away
Fear not for I am with you
Be not dismayed for I am your God.
I will strengthen you
Yes I will help you 
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand
Isaiah 41:9-10
And there we have it the word of encouragement from His word....Take heart any of you who may have been growing weary His promise for those waiting is right there

Follow Up On The Land Mines

I remember when I had a second miscarriage in the summer of 1990 or so. I was devestated by the first one I'd had the year before and perplexed by this second. Pretty tender emotionally. It happened in the midst of planning an outreach Back Yard Bible Club for the month of July at a mobile home park we had once lived in for a few years. Should I still go on with it? Physically and emotionally I wondered if I was up to it.
Then one day I was passing by the television where my kids had some old Bugs Bunny Daffy Duck cartoon on and Daffy was declaring "I am detirmined to make his victory a costly one!"
Ever had God speak to you from a cartoon? Well I have! Right then and there I detirmined what satan meant for evil in my life was going to cost him big! Back Yard Bible Club commenced with a full team from church to minister to kids every tuesday in July. Keeping kids off the streets for a few hours with fun, food and Gods Word. Ministering to moms many who were single giving them some time off.

I guess I am a bit disappointed in my post from a couple days ago. Have to say I am so grateful for the loving concern and prayer you have given me because of it. I love you! Overall I have calmed down and begun functioning in a way more normal for me. I had been discussing at a prayer meeting a week ago  about Isaiah 54's reference to weapons formed and tongues rising up against us and not being ignorant of satans devices...And what do I do but react in shock and verbal outrage when something hits the target (me and mine). I thought I was better at holding my peace. You know responding not reacting.
I have heard when the bucket is full and gets kicked whatever is in it will spash out..so I am not too happy with what spashed with the kicking. It was a sort of mixed concoction.
But neither can I pretend it didn't hurt -just wish I had held off a while before posting and thought about that before pressing the publish button..Oh well

On the other side of life though things have been really busy and good! Had an unexpected opportunity to do a health fair presentation for Aflac on Saturday and one of our lovely employees was recently licensed in life and health so could work it with me. Looking forward to more growing along that lines for the business.
The kids have had in two days dental visits, eye exams and school sports physical! Whew!
Looks like they will be playing Basketball for the season at their new school Victory Christian Academy. And I have seen their being there as part of God's unfolding plan He knew about  for "a future and a hope one not for evil or calamity" Jeremiah 29 paraphrase...So thankful to Him!
And I get to take part in teaching in the School of Ministry at Living Waters Worship Center. Exciting and humbling. So even more now I see how I reacted to some of the crazy findings that kicked my bucket to be a way for me to look at how I live compared to how Jesus lived with people. Been reading Portrait of Jesus as part of our study and it is an answer plain and simple to some questions I have had. I highly recommend it.
Marty and I visited a veteran who is in hospice this morning to pray and for me to play the harp and sing as he rested..This man served veterans well not just his country in war..I know Jesus is welcoming him, holding him.

Well off to the office. Hope you are blessed well today

Land Mines Along the Walk

Today I am wearing my heart on my sleeve so to speak. Today I realized I have really been betrayed by yet another friend. Sounds so weird to say. Sounds so bad to me to write about. Especially since I prefer writing upbeat fun stories about my walk with Jesus.
It is sometimes the stuff of life though and most people, believers in Jesus included, encounter it along the path of life. As in Psalm 55:12-14...it was one that I took sweet counsel with, walking in the things of God together.
Let me set one thing straight. It is not my husband that betrayed me.
I get disappointments.They happen but they are not betrayals. I get disagreements. They happen too. God created such variety that we can't possibly see things the same all the time with each other. And God knows I don't know everything and am not always right.
But this is true betrayal. Maybe this person doesn't actually realize the depth of the actions being taken. Kind of like "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". I am not perfect like Jesus. I do not even want to lay my life down for this person any more though I have in
many  ways time and again.
I want to justify myself and those this person is slandering...But You LORD are my vindicator. You say vengeance belongs to You. You even tell me not to take this person to court if it were to come to that but rather be wronged. Your ways are perfect oh Lord help me to walk in them.
Give me understanding and a pure heart. And I pray for this one Lord...and find I can only pray in the spirit right now because my mind and heart are jumping all over the place about this. The person is to be pitied and desperately needs You.
I am just a bit wearied and torn over being used and trampled on by yet another person we invested our lives into...well who was it for after all? For some pat on the back from people about how great we are when we simply spent ourselves for others like You commission us to do? Yay us!...The rewards are not here they are in heaven, so help me not to be hard hearted toward others who You lead our way because of a few bad experiences brought about by broken people. Help me to trust You.

Mary's Comfort Ministries

Those Who Were Walking the Walk (not just talking the talk)

         Last night "God with skin on" saved my day at the grocery store when my deposit was not showing as credited to my account. A fact unknown to me until I went completely through check out. As embarrassing as that was (I wore a blush for a good while and not the makeup kind), God had two of His very own in line behind me both offering to pay for my groceries! He knew ahead and had me covered! I am so amazed and humbled..and thankful... I was called later and told by the husband of the one who swiped her card on my behalf that they would be tearing my reimbursement check into little peices. I would be paying forward not paying back.
     God supplying my needs just like He promised and people living for Him letting that light shine what an awesome end to a headachey day!

Hot Flashes and Heat Waves

This is more for my female readers than any others. As if there are others beyond that but male readers. I mean monkeys, puppies, herons,and so on do not read..
The statement above is an indicator of my wacky state of mind. We have had super hot weather lately. The type that is typical for summer. The type we long for when the temperatures have dipped below 0 and the ground is frozen and snow covered.
Added to the normal high degrees of summer is the fact that we are managing without air conditioning this year and interior climate control is handled by following the sun around the house adjusting windows, blinds and fans. I am not complaining about that since most of the time the temperature is comfortable. However... we have had this accumulation of hot days that made the house HOT no matter what I did.
Wouldn't you know this is also the season of hot flashes for me.
And so we have the seasons and we have personal seasons. And this is one for me where I find me difficult to live with.
When we started our womens Bible study based on Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore, our first meeting was at our house and the day was hot. I had watched Annali that day and also run some errands with her and with Lily along to get a new bathing suit as well as assist. I arrived home with about 60 minutes to spare before the ladies would be arriving. Now just because I am very comfortable visiting your house with a lived in atmosphere- you know dishes in the sink, laundry to fold, toys strewn about does not mean I am very comfortable having you visit me with my house in its normal state. MUCH LESS A GROUP of women visiting! Surely my reputation as a woman, wife, ect would be at stake!!!
So enter the mode known as frantic rather than walking in the peace of God. Lydia who had arrived to pick up Annali took one look at me and taking note of the wild eyed look in my eyes and of the panicked sound of my voice took on the gift giving task of washing the dishes. Mind you this was not a simple sink load of dishes but rather an accumulation as though I just hadn't been able to bear to part with them in their dirty state and then realized too late they were no treasure but stinketh like Lazarus' tomb after a few days.
They were not a treasure to me in that state. It was just a too busy to keep up life going on so they were set aside to "soak" and then soak again in bleach water and they were rearanged a few times. 
The ladies began to arrive and were greeted by myself trying to appear cool, calm, and collected. A woman walking in the fruit of the Spirit and so on instead of one who had grabbed chips at the gas station on the way home and called it finger food for the evening group. Thank God others brought things better prepared to offset my meager offering!
As we sat to begin our study I was overwhelmed not only by the number of women who had come but also how hot our un airconditioned room was and began to appologize only to have blank or wondering expressions look back at me with assurances of the room being comfortable not hot...It dawned on me then HOT FLASHES. Oh yes they have begun and just in time for our heat wave! Why not! I am likely to have more menopausal musings in this blog as I walk this season out so reader beware. Have a blessed day and stay cool!

Some Ramblings While Walking

Feeling strangely light headed was the result of only 10 minutes exercise on the aerobic exercize machine the Gazelle. I think it was the effect of oxygen being fully inhaled and exhaled!..And as I was "gazelling" there was an interview with an aerobics instructor on LIFE TODAY. They were speaking of the presence of oxygen in the garden of Eden and greater gravitational pull and how life was healthier and longer...The point was drawn that aerobic exercise of course increases oxygen and weight training is essentially a gravitational pull.
We really do need to take care of these temples God has given us! I am not sure why sedentary life seems to be ok nor how I slipped into that pit. But I do know I am glad I was on the Gazelle watching the program instead of just sitting with my coffee and breakfast watching that this morning!
As a side note about the Gazelle: This one is compliments of our daughter Deborah who homeschooled her last two years of highschool and seeing a late night infomercial detirmined this would be an ideal addition to her PE requirements being met. So she bought it! And more important, she really used it! When she and Garrett married the Gazelle remained behind stored in the basement. And I might add it is a basement none of us wants to exercise in. It is the "Creepy Basement". No,no,no! Not haunted! It has other factors that make it creepy. So unless you are a Rocky Balboa type you don't want to exercize down there.
It was back around Thanksgiving we recovered it from the dungeon and brought it into the light. It has a very prominent place in the room Marty and I sleep in. And WE ARE NOT going to let it be draped and hidden by clothing though it would be quite handy for that. Marty uses it and now that I am released from Chiro treatment I do also. Even if it is only a 10 minute start. 
And in a moment of self justification, I also did another set of exercise with my powerfully heavy 3 pound weights for upper body strength! Yes thats right I typed it correctly: 3 lbs...and I do have an exercise ball I have been using...Well my hope is small beginnings will lead to something better and and that they are better than nothing at all! The sad thing is I will probably be sore from just these minor changes..But I will press on! 
Here is to more oxygen and strength! God really made us remarkably able to rebuild and repair.. Oh and how amazing of Him to make it so exercise would release endorphines in our brains and make us happier people and they even act as pain reducers.
The person being interviewed said her husband will even toss her running shoes to her when she is having crabby moments because she comes back so much happier. I am not sure I would respond maturely enough if my shoes were thrown to me and I was invited to get out (cause that is how I would twist it initially). So I have discovered yet another area long guarded like it was a treasure...my bad attitude! In unwrapping it I have found not a jewel but smelly trash!
Yeah for the Pit study and the Holy Spirit never letting me go on in pit dwelling life styles.
Time to move on with the rest of the day.

Pit Experiences (from the donkeys point of view)

Of course our womens study group topic Get Out Of That Pit, has my mind revolving around types and examples because I love using everyday stuff to point the way to Gods principles at work in our lives...Go figure..Its how I am wired really and actually it is something I enjoy about my life. I just hope I don't drive my loved ones into cross-eyed, brain shutting down, stupors by using it too often in their lives.
The one I have landed on today is a fable I heard that goes something like this:
There was a farmer who had donkey who fell into a pit. There didn't appear to be any way to pull him up and out of the pit. It was narrow with crumbly sides and even the neighbors who by now had gathered said they could not get a rope and harness around him! Now the donkey was old and barely worth what it took to feed him so the farmer made the rather difficult decision to bury him alive! (the story doesn't say so, but I wonder if this one was like Balaam's donkey and had a God given ability to understand things we wouldn't expect a donkey to understand).
The farmer and his neighbors began to toss shovel full after shovel full of dirt over their shoulders into the pit. No one wanted to actually watch what was happening to the donkey. It was just too terrible even if it was "necessary".
Finally the farmer turned to check the progress and to his surprise the donkey walked right out of what had once been his pit! Seems that each time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back, he shook it off and stomped it down until he was near enough to the top to climb out! Smart little donkey! And we hear them referred to as dumb...

So all of us who are at least as smart as a donkey can draw some parallels from this I would suppose. God has many ways to assist us out of the pit, but seems from this sometimes it could be through the unwitting help of our enemies. We can use the stuff thrown at us to climb a little higher sometimes. To press into the Most High and get His perspective. Soon. Maybe it isn't soon enough to suit us or maybe we get kind of messy in the process but SOON we will find ourselves walking out of the pit meant to bury us and living a life that gives God glory and is that abundant life place He tells us about in His word.
Today if you have some stuff thrown at you that threatens to bury you alive stomp it under your feet and reach higher to the One who made you and loves you with His life. He's reaching out for you.

Pity Parties (or am I getting out of that pit)

Have to laugh at my navigation of this blogging  stuff! Tried to make my text color white since I had changed my blog colors. So as I started typing pre post it was like using invisible ink... back to the black until time to post!
Been nearly 3 months since I was last blogging! Time sure has flown by but not with out some pit falls in the mix. So here I am 3rd week into the study our womens group is doing called Get Out Of That Pit by Beth Moore.
Week one's homework discussion had me thinking about the pits of life
and how we throw "pit"y parties (complete with a barbeque pit in case we might want to roast someone over the fire complements of firey tongues). The guest list includes me, myself and I. Occaisionally though, others may be invited to join the party and to their surprise find themselves muddy from the experience even somewhat stuck themselves. There should be a disclaimer on the invitation to beware, dress for mud, wear hip boots, clothes pin for nose against the stench, bring your climbing gear to help you exit, ect.
So am I suggesting ignore the wrongs done to us that may have pushed us in to start with? (and sometimes that is how we got there). Nope. But I do suggest not using a shovel to dig ourselves in deeper or to dig the foundation for a room addition or two. Like don't plan to stay there! Make plans to move on out whatever it takes! So if you or I are are throwing a party let it be a moving celebration and get moving on out of the pit. God has much finer things in store to take us to and will give us the climbing out gear we need through His word, prayer, our dilligence and friends!-  We just want to make sure we don't pull them in while they are helping to pull us out...
Here's to sunny days, brighter futures, and clearer vision compliments of Jesus your savior.

Trampling Grapes or People

Pressure, pressure, pressure I am sad to say has not brought out the best in me but expolsive outbursts! And truthfully the pressure doesn't even have to be much lately because I simply do not have the reserves in myself to respond well. And that is key perhaps. In myself...Now I do know the Holy Spirit dwells in me and praying in the spirit brings refreshing so try to remember that help for my sanity. The problem has been too much stuff. Too much busy-ness. Too many deadlines.  Too many new things added in. Too many events. Too many headaches (nearly 3 weeks worth) Too many complaints coming at me. Too many too many's!
So instead of the pressure bringing out fine wine components of squishing the fruit of the Spirit, I find myself reacting by trampling others with my words and attitudes. Defensive, angry, frustrated, bordering on bitter fruit! I can hardly bear to live with me these days...
So like Paul somewhat I find myself musing what I do not want to do I do.. and Who can rescue me... very loose paraphrasing...and of course what can separate me from the love of God? Miscounted invoices and unjust charges? No. Homeschooling off to an imperfect start? No again. Fatigue and raging hormones from this midlife woman? Thank God He is bigger than that! Oh well who wants the list anyway? I feel like I have made decisions that haven't been well thought out lately and that leads me to wonder about my need for being that ever unatainable perfect person.
I have a feeling for me walking worthy these days means walking in God's grace....

From Nursery to Nursing Home

So it is Sunday and today I am going to give out alot from Nursery to Nursing Home. From the one end of the spectrum (just learning to walk) to the other end (not able to walk well any more). Oh but so much walking was done by those in the last group. A whole lifetime of walking and living. Many of them faithful walking with Jesus walkers and some who haven't yet walked with Him but He continues to urge to come and do so before they reach their very last day on earth. And the first group are just getting started and we get to help them a bit on the way to walking with Jesus.
The last time the group who minister in the homes of the forgotten, as I think of them, there was a grumbley old man who was rough and hard by his words and demeanor. Nothing about him made a person want to hang around with him. Yet he came and sat in his wheel chair along the wall and when I stopped to talk with him and offer to pray he asked me questions about general stuff while hanging on to my hand. (one of my boys visited a nursing home in kindergarten and came home saying "I know one thing, when an old person holds your hand they never let go!")  Eventually he began to tear up and soften and I was privileged to lead him in a prayer of repentance and salvation! Who but God knew that was scheduled for my walk that day....even though I should go expecting. We will see what today holds.

walkin it out (pausing along the way)

Well this could maybe be the good, the bad, and the ugly since there does seem to be that mix this week. Some good events like the progress of the marriage seminar which is pretty exciting are coming together and I am pretty sure while I am doing my part, God has given me something to implement that He knew I would need His help in. So that tells you there is lots of opportunity to keep giving it to Him as far as the care and stress of it might go. So far as of last sunday we have 9 couples signed up from our church with a possible 3 more! Meaning half of our original ticket package is spoken for. The rest will go quickly and hopefully we will go beyond even the ones left.
And then on a personal side I am mid-pause. Those of you ladies who have been or are now know that your emotions almost sabotage you with moodiness and crankiness and in general get trip wired very easily. I really dislike that I am experiencing those symptoms in particular because I am simply not as patient as usual and its downright embarrassing!
It doesn't help that I have put off my CE classes until nearly last minute (I and 1/2 months to squeeze online classes in which by the time I can get to them nearly guarantee my eyes will slam shut and I will nod off so I will be squeezing them in, in bits and pieces through out my days) And then tax filing and oh well stuff of life in general lots of little things that add up to big annoying things (picture the difference between one ant eating a piece of bread and many ants eating one piece of bread) Yeah so today feels like many ants...which takes me back to God knowing I would not be able to accomplish the seminar in my own strength.

Just A Few Observations

So the fast...I did end up eating a late dinner Monday evening feeling a bit like I was failing but also rationalizing (and isn't this pretty much the way of humanity) I had not eaten since Friday evening so this was essentially 3 days and we had some decisions that I was not clear minded enough to think about to make and I was just tired and getting cranky and generally unproductive. So There!
In typical fashion trying to retain righteousness in my own strength instead of Gods very own gift to me, I tried to not eat during the first half of Tuesday. Crashed and burned on that by around 1:30 or so. 
So what happened as a result of this fast so far? Can I tell you the presence of God was so strong in many ways and in fact has me in tears now. So maybe I didn't pull on that to carry me through the finish of my fast in a very solid way but HE IS GOOD and AMAZING!
1. We have recieved permission by New Song to hold the Marriage Seminar in their facility this February (they have the needed Satelitte equip from ccn)!
2. We have found we may offer tickets for less than we originally thought!
3. I recieved a call from a woman who needed food. (again remember Isaiah 58 and part of fasting is sharing our food with the hungry) She attended prayer meeting with us that night and not only recieved food but was HEALED of a condition that kept her unable to stand for long or walk very far (she had already told me she felt like people might think badly if she sat while others stood. I reasurred her it.) We prayed with her and she said "I feel weird. My legs feel weird" She was told to stand then walk. Honestley she began walking and walking and lifting her legs high over and over! Exclaiming how she couldn't do that before! Telling Jesus "You're the Man!" It was very cool! 
4. And then overall some particular words from His word to me that were affirming and special...
And that was all just that day...

Third Day

As expected today was super busy so I didn't have the added temptation of hanging around the kitchen too much. Although dinner will be getting made soon ( by me). The thing I noticed today was an extra awareness of God in the morning. Nice!
And right on the heels of that some life challenges. One car only this week (door got knocked off the jeep). Honestly I am a little too tired to write about them. There were several right off and this is an insert to what I already finished writing here.
The other thing was, as I took kids to school and Marty to work and travelled to my other appointments, was fast food signs calling out to me...Ok. No. Not hearing voices! I am not crazy! I mean I would see one that said "Onion Rings or Fries Any Size $1"  and think "I love onion rings and did that say any size $1?" or another sign "Chicken and Noodles" or "Beef Stroganoff". Well things like that are there all the time but usually don't try to grab me by the scruff of my neck.
I also had to do a short grocery store run. That one I managed pretty well. Though I guess I did buy the largest box of honeynut Cheerios this time. I was tempted by a candy bar at the gas station. I was going to buy it but not eat it. Really. 
Had to drop paper off to Marty at the office and grab lunch for him (mexican) He needed to eat today cause of the pace of his job. And that is valid ok? Scripture tells us not to mistreat employees(as per Isaiah 58) so keeping his blood sugar level is pretty important!  No cranky bosses! And there I was waiting for it surrounded with yummy smells and posters of crepes and cheeseburgers and then given THE BAG with what I happen to know is excellent food.
Fortunately there were stops that had nothing to do with food products..The library, the hospital to pray for a friend, school supply store for paper, the chiropractor to work again on getting myself adjusted.
And so now I am home for the evening and I think I will make it through this day three of the fast. There have been some good God events today. Divine encounters. I think someone wrote of them as God Winks...and I'll follow up on those...and maybe post them soon. Just not right now.

Second Day

Gotta love the originality of my titles so far. So what happens the second day? It is 8:30 pm and I do have a headache. And of course a bit of an aching tummy. And since I have been fairly early on in Chiropractic adjustments my hips are sore too. Over all this has been a good day though. I think mainly because we were busy from early on. I did have some food challenges to navigate which probably goes without saying and my kids were finally on to me at one point when I refused to eat their nachos and cheese after church from the lunch concession.
We went to a movie late afternoon (Sherlock Holmes)where I normally would eat popcorn or SOMETHING but made sure my sons popcorn was in the holder to his right while I sat at his left.
The biggest hurdle by far was making eggrolls for dinner which I had bought ingredients for last week before we the fast decision was made. I was going to refuse when the request to have them TONIGHT was made actually. I decided to keep it to a very simple chicken only version for the kids because really, they are not fasting and neither are the cats or the dog so food was in order for them all. And I indulged myself in drinking chicken broth from boiling the chicken.  Simple things taste pretty good when you haven't eaten in over 24 hours. So enjoying that seemed like cheating a bit.
One huge difference in this fast is that Marty and I are fasting together.
We both had been feeling a leading to do so and decided Sat am upon that discussion and following a program on fasting which I had turned off before it was over Friday pm but was on Sat morning again. (I had actually prayed and told the Lord I was sorry I had turned it off and wished I had heard it through...How funny that it was on again so I could listen through...hmmm)
Tomorrow promises to be a busy day too. That will either help or perhaps be harder since it is day 3 without solids. None of this is for any pat on my back. I just wanted to log it in a real way while before God through the day about things...Like the marriage seminar we want to bring to our community for one...Some how it helps me to know people are real while walking it out...

The First Day

There seems to be something about knowing you MAY NOT that makes the NOT ALLOWED thing so much more desirable. Take for intance not eating. That's right. Fasting. Intentions are top of the line. Convinced my life will be more in tune with God and I will hear more clearly His direction for me with more annointing and all that is indicated by His word. So YES! I will fast and pray secretly (though really now, I suppose blogging about it blows the cover off secrecy wouldn't you say?)
In the past I have managed to keep it secret even from my husband and kids. Generally that was a limited fast, meaning I would allow myself to have one meal in the evening while others ate. No seconds though,just one moderate serving! Or maybe soup or salad only one time a day. The length of the fasts differed also. One day, three days, one week, fourty days.
I can tell you as the primary food prep person in the home this is quite challenging. I admit I resorted to lying to myself - just coming clean with you all since God already knows all about it - and told myself the food was PLASTIC. You know like the fake fruit that used to sit on my grandmas dining room table.
The first day though seems to be the worst. If I just didn't have time to eat or felt too sick to eat not such a big deal. But then that doesn't really serve the purpose does it? It doesn't count as a fast. So what happens my first day? Headache, temptations galore for crabbiness and eating, grumbling tummy aching and not thinking quite as sharply and falling asleep instead of persevering prayer.
So what to do, what to do? How do I move past all this into successfully completing a fast? The key I believe is keeping the vision before me. In otherwords, what is the purpose of the fast? Not just a general it is good for my life in all ways reason. But tag it and keep focus.
How about you? Any fasts you feel free to talk about? Results and challenges?