Sometimes (before 10:30 am and beyond)

Realizing that more people pay attention to me than I may be aware of at any given moment...and that is not said pridefully but because of the place I have as a leader at church..so it comes with the territory..I am about to whisper something to you readers that makes me feel like not a good leader but none the less I will forge on...
Sometimes in the morning before church,  I get really, really mad at my husband! So angry .. Whew!  Yesterday was one such morning. I won't tell you why. Sorry. I guess I still think I was right yet am not trying to get anyone to take sides. He thinks I was wrong so there we are. And frankly he was not angry, I was. So whats a God loving person to do in such a case? And especially when said pink person is supposed to open the church service in prayer and most certainly needs a right spirit to do that and set the tone we open with.

First I need to recognize the purposes of God are bigger than my perception and offended feelings so forgive as He (God) forgives me. No getting around that truth. No matter how long we walk the walk, forgiving remains part and parcel of it. Yes even 7 times 70..which was feeling like a tall order this particular Sunday morning even though we had not reached 70 offenses before 10:30 am. But it does seem sometimes, when I am working to lay aside an offense and move forward, the spot is still tender and the supposedly forgiven offender can not do much right in my eyes for a while and seems to poke the tender place intentionally or not, which I am guessing was the experience of the disciples as well or they would not have asked the "how many times shall we forgive" question in the first place.

Second  I also need to remember we have an enemy who is all about stealing, killing and destroying and is the father of lies. Certainly one of his devices is about stealing, killing and destroying unity among God's people and part of that is through lies. ll Corinthians 2:11 says we are not to be ignorant of his devices. As Jesus plainly states "a house divided can not stand". Psalms 133:1 tells us it is good when we dwell together in unity. Look at the example of the natural law of Synergy (God created natural laws you know)...

"At a state fair there was an event where horses were being hitched to wagons to see which horse could pull the most weight. Two horses pulled 9,000 pounds. They then hitched these two strongest horses together on the same wagon. The horses didn’t pull 18,000 pounds – a mere doubling of their individual efforts. Instead, together, in true teamwork, they pulled 35,000 pounds. Now that’s synergy!"

If we stay in unity as much as possible, so much more can be accomplished.

Third  I began picturing myself standing and a large concrete block was at my feet. It was at best the stumbling block of offense. At it's worst it was the beginning of a thick block wall to divide me off from my husband but also from most other good things in life.

I felt directed by the Holy Spirit to kick it to the side and walk on by. And do the same with any offense that came after.

Fourth I told you we each still thought the other was wrong. That happens sometimes doesn't it? What in the world happens then? Well in the world we do know...bitterness, ugliness, hurtful words, family rifts for generations...so, what in the life of a Christian happens then?

I had already expressed my viewpoint to him. Because I do that. Maybe too much. But again I r e a l l y believe I was right.  But so does he think he was right...sigh... So here is what I did. I cast him with his contradictory opinion and my care (wounded, offended feelings and inability to change things by words or knowing the ugly tactic of cold shoulder -tempting as that may be-would not make them better) upon the Lord who cares for both of us and has the ability to turn the heart of the king of a nation, so surely my husband's heart as well. In prayer you know, not physically throw him around as if I could anyway.Was it simple? Did I pull this off seamlessly? Well no actually...some people knew I was struggling with something but at least I was struggling to do the right thing with all my menopausal emotions wanting to run at nasty high speed.

Fifth  At the risk of sounding like I am making a formula out of all this, I have numbered my process but there is no formula really. It is a walk with Jesus and staying in the light of the narrow path to avoid destruction...I passed my thoughts through the scripture grid. It is the place set up internally from learning the Word of God. Do my words and actions pass through or do they get stopped on the mesh of truth?

"Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and all evil speaking..."1 Peter 2:1a 

"Let every man (woman) be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God...  be doers of the word not hearers only...let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgement. For we all stumble in many things. If any one does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to also bridle the whole body...All from the book of James

Leader or not we are all human beings. We are not perfect beings. We are not going to always see eye to eye in relationships. And I don't always get to be right and get my way. We are in the process of change and attaining the high call in Christ Jesus. But this morning I was watching a program of leaders who were pretty vulnerable about behind the scenes trials while needing to hold it together by the grace and power of the Holy Spirit when moving from the back room to the pulpit. They were not making an excuse for sin. And I had just written this blog but not posted it. We do get angry. Jesus acknowleged that. His word says be angry but in your anger do not sin. The above is how I processed anger in order to not sin. But all in all what I heard today was "Jesus loves me". In spite of it all and in spite of it being unresolved even still, so having mixed emotions going on, Jesus loves me not because I do it all the right way or am always right but because He just does. And for that I am thankful!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Pressed Down (shaken, running)

Ever feel a bit pressed down? How about shaken together? Running over by any chance? Like running away perhaps?

  

Maybe the journey of life shakes our faith going along some paths that we didn't anticipate...there are some promises we have been hanging on to that we didn't get a hands on answer to yet. Or we have confidence shakers speaking into our lives. We might feel like we are settling for something less than God's best. And maybe we are, though sometimes we don't always know God's best even when it stares us in the face because we suffer from the "grass is always greener on the other side" syndrome. And sometimes it is because the journey to the promised land is a journey through some wilderness.

Seems to me I always have to remind myself to be thankful..even when things are going smoothly for a while. You know getting comfortable and forgetting how grateful I am for where God has me. That actually might be a great fertilizer to the grass I don't think is as green as that growing on the other side. And honestly we don't know what has gone on behind the scene to make it so green. It is a whole lot better to be running over with intentional thankfulness, than going natural with frustration, misery and complaining.

                                                                                        

See, I know there are things that are incredibly frustrating and hurtful. Stuff that makes us feel like running away. As fast as we can! Or pray like the Psalmist to have wings like a dove so I could fly away.

 Those days that Calgon just won't do it for me. I am not suggesting to not acknowledge that and try to just pretend those life things are not there. A mom with sick kids can be completely overwhelmed at times. Broken appliances are inconvenient at least. Unexpected bills and a shorter pay check can bring despair. Broken relationships can be devastating.

Those are the times to pull on the Holy Spirit who is given to us to be our Helper...the word is Ezer in the Hebrew text meaning help, aid or sustainer, a person or thing that gives help, relief, aid, etc. as in lifesaver in my time of distress. (which as a side note is what woman is meant to be to man from the time of creation; an Ezer...I found that to be eye opening)

Jesus said "and I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever..." John 14:16

He also said "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all the things I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:26-27

If I were a betting woman, I would bet you thought this was going to be about the verse that tells us to give and it will be given to us pressed down shaken together running over... did you? That dear readers is a writing for another time...remember to pray in the Spirit because scripture tells us He makes intercession for us praying for the things we don't even know we need. And tells us when we pray in the language of the Holy Spirit we strengthen ourselves.
I Corinthians 14:4;  Jude 20

I guess tongues is a touchy issue for some. I am not one to try to dive into topics controversial..but I can't ignore that praying in tongues has been part of my walk with God from the time I gave my life to Him 35 years ago. I happen to also suspect that something God means for our help and strength is also something the devil would try to steer us away from by saying "it's not for today" or "that's from the devil" or "only some people can but not you"...you know things like that..sure I have seen people misuse the gift. But just because someone else drives their car crazy doesn't mean I should not drive. So start your engines and get praying!

Your Heavenly Father gives GOOD gifts. If you are asking Him, He isn't going to slip you something from the father of lies.

Walking on Monday (what I hear on sunday)

The whole idea behind my first Devotional Blog Diapers Dishes and Devotions and then starting this one Walking It Out stemmed from wanting to practically apply the word of God and the love of God (His toward me and mine and toward Him) to everyday living. Sometimes though I seem to hit a bit of a wall. Maybe we could say I might pick and choose what parts to walk when. Or maybe I am just a bit confused on HOW to walk it out. Maybe my kids are sick. Or maybe I am. Or maybe I am continually offended by someone and not knowing what to do with the emotions of that even knowing I am supposed to forgive as I am forgiven. So do my emotions mean I haven't forgiven?

See what I mean?

I remember "counseling" a mom of teen age boys about something when I only had very young toddlers and not only that had never been teen age boy myself! There is something in knowing the word of God is TRUTH because you know and trust that to be so. There is something else when you have lived that truth for your self and your family when life has thrown some stuff at you that looks contrary to the word that says "by His stripes you WERE healed" or looks more like a barren land than the one flowing with milk and honey...though as a mom the milk and honey may be all over our furniture, floors, cars, us and our kids.

You know the Doctor might prescribe something and say take one 3 times a day. Or quit smoking. Or walk 20 minutes a day 3x a week. If I just look at that instruction. If I just look at the doctors handwriting and muse to myself and all who will listen "Look at that Doctors handwriting! Isn't it awful!" But never get it filled and follow instructions, I am probably going to be worse off for that. On the other hand, if I follow instructions and take it fully, I am more likely to get healthy results. And frankly I will probably not even begin to see immediate results. (I am not too sure why I would go to a professional that I trust for something and then decide I know better than they do anyway)



That is a pretty good picture of me and the word of God. What if I just hear the word. What if I am not a doer just a hearer like the book of James says it. What if I happen to read it in the old King James and say "that language! That is so archaic! Who can even understand it?" Then never took the time to follow its instructions. Or attempted to a couple of times but didn't see immediate results so decided "It isn't for today. It doesn't work for me."


What if I tried to potty train my kids just one day and have 5 accidents to deal with? Should I give up trying to direct where they are supposed to go and just assume they won't be in diapers when they are adults and let the process all run its own course?

And I am positive Olympic contestants were pushed and trained and they are not ones who quit at the first sign of pain or opposition.
Now see this woman making contact with the baseball? That is us with the word of God against whatever the enemy of our souls may throw our way. We need to skillfully use Gods promises and knock lies and attacks OUT OF THE PARK. Now I don't know about you but skill with a bat does not come natural to me. In fact I prefer not to play the game. However we really don't get to just tell the devil "um I don't like to play that game. no thanks".

King David before he was ever king, was king in training for a long while. He started as a kid watching the family sheep. During that time he practiced his harp and worshipped. He practiced using his sling shot. He killed a lion and a bear. All this before he approached Goliath. See he took time to know his God. He also took time to develop skill. When He approached Goliath he did not trust in his own strength though he had a measure of it by then. It wasn't his first time to lay hand on a sling shot and he refused to use the armor he was unfamiliar with. He spoke what he believed to Goliath and those who doubted...Who is this uncircumcised Philistine!?! Everyone else thought that Philistine was something..But to David that Philistine was eclipsed by the God Most High Mighty in Battle! And wow, boldly said "THIS DAY the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will smite you and cut off your head" and much more did he say and then he proceeded to do just what he declared that the people would know God does not deliver by sword or spear but the battle was His..

Well how did I end up here from where I started? In general, Sunday sermons are not just for Sunday. It is part of getting equipped for life there but one time a week in the word and prayer only goes so far. We need to take time to know God ourselves in our day to day life. Let's take the Gos-pill,if you will, on a regular basis according to instructions, meditating on it day and night that it may go well with us and we would have favor and good understanding. No problems? No, I won't promise that, but far less problems and the way to overcome them.

Monday Musings (and the re-po man)

I so need Monday's. I think I have even posted it before. Like some people want their Friday or Saturday to get here, for me it's Monday. Of course I do not have the added thing to do of clocking in at work on Monday unless I have scheduled an appointment with a client. My weekends are generally so packed and not with things to amuse or refresh but normally it is with thingstodo (albeit usually with people I at least like and many times love),that by Monday I am  exhausted. (I will interject that this weekend I just had was bust out exciting and refreshing! But it is not the one I am writing about for now) Well I can examine all that and figure out where the driven-ness comes from but that is not the reason for this post.
It was a Saturday night while I was standing in an excessively long check out line winding all the way into and on down the frozen food isle with a basket full of sale matched with coupon items, when a young man stepped behind with with just 2 cans of yams. He was on an errand for a friend. I learned that after I offered to let him ahead of me. "You will be checked out before I can finish unloading my cart." It was the evening before Easter so the place and lines were packed with last minute shoppers. He declined for the time being but somehow started talking to me about his job. Alot about his job. Which he loved by the way. He is the owner of a Repossession Company. He does not just order people to do his bidding but does much of it himself. Even went on to tell me how he finds these low livers who don't pay and just takes the car if its in a parking lot without the person even knowing until they come out and find it gone.

The truth is I had been at one time the recipient of a re-po man visit in a situation that really was unjustly handled. I felt pretty wounded by the experience knowing we had been making very large payments which evidently were not being applied correctly but he was not the person who could actually do anything about that. He was just "doin his job" unsavoury as it may have been. Later we learned the car was sold for less than the value and we were still supposed to pay up! Yeah a painful mess. In spite of all that I was speechless pretty much talking to this second generation re-po man.



That was unfortunate and something I am praying about because I wish I had an on time word for him from God. I kept casting around in my mind about what to say to him that would not seem canned or rote religious words but rather prick and awaken that place in him to the things of God. I became very aware that weekend how many people seem to be sheep without a shepherd. I did not know what to say to bring it around. I mean Jesus knew. He would take the woman at the well and identify the real issue beneath the conversation and turn her into the town evangelist. I want that skill. I want to hear the person, hear from God and speak. Or He could find Zaccheus watching from a tree no less, go eat with him and His manner and words so engage Zacs spirit and heart he vowed to return in multiples what he had cheated others out of. To be like Jesus...
As a bit of closure, God has brought us through those awful years where it seemed locust were eating everything we put our hand to as in the book of Joel. Where we needed to trust the God of our hope to sustain us, be our vindicator and restorer. His promise from Isaiah 61:7 is worth reading and holding on to:
Instead of your (former) shame you shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonor and reproach (your people) shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double (what they had forfeited); everlasting joy shall be theirs... and much more if you read on in the amplified version. And that is what we have found through our years. God is FAITHFUL! He can be trusted even in times of devestation that seem to come in ocean like waves. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. His delay is not necessarily His denial, but in there is the working of all things together for our good because we love Him and are called according to His purpose. He is building our character. Our foundations must be strong to hold those big things He has planned for us. And we will be continually amazed at what those things are!

Taking The Fence Off (offence)

There are practical fences.



There are picket fences.



There are privacy fences.




There are fancy fences.




There are fences like this one.



And there are OFFENSES.... I was pondering today my tendency to get offended about certain things and what my response is when I allow that offense not just to happen and roll
away, but to take hold....like a fence post. You know take out the post hole digger and dig deep. Secure the post with cement so it has a firm hold. I do that by dwelling on the offense. And when the next offense comes, why I just set another post and so on, making a fence line. And it is even worse as time goes on because a fence line does get fencing of one sort or another hung on it. And for me it sometimes tends to be the sharp and pointy kind like in the picture above figuratively speaking.

One of the worst things about my offense fence is that it keeps me in too, not just others away. Naturally not everyone should have complete access to my life, making a privacy fence a good thing.  

But this OFFENSE...this is how I recognized it in me. I tend most often to be offended by my husband, sad to say, even when he never intended to offend me. This is partly because the making of a good marriage is a process not the instant happily ever after fairy tales we have been surrounded with all our lives and loved. There is process in making the two, one. First of all he is a man. And men are not women and women are not men. So I hear and see things differently than he does. I feel things differently than he does.

Now there is reason for that, making perfect sense, since together we can form a more well rounded picture of things that need to happen in our lives. NOT me vs him. Well in my natural state of being (the Word of God calls it being in the flesh not the spirit), I can take something he says or does and immediately become offended because it isn't how I would say or do it after all. And I must have this innate sense of I am right, you are wrong in me. And perhaps just a good measure of "I want my own way" selfishness still rearing its ugly head.

Sometimes it is so hard to try to tell these things without quick jumping in to say things like "of course sometimes I am right". *Sigh* So back to how I saw it this time though hopefully I am doing less and less of this as the years go by. Some background to the story...

We were watching something one morning and usually it is Christian programing which is an awesome way, a privileged way actually, to start the day. We love it. But the program had ended and before we could change the channel on comes the infomercial. I am sure many people get sucked right into these (I still want to order the Dog Training Kit!!!). However this one was for a product that promised more energy and weight loss by teaching you what foods are best for your body type and instruction on body sculpting using a resistance band. I wanted to change the channel since, not overly overweight, but moderately perhaps, I was not totally keen on watching women who had not had eight babies and were not my age, but it was kind of interesting and then my husband said something like "why don't you take down the number and order that. You would probably feel better and have more energy"

In fairness I had been worn out for quite a while and have some pretty good reasons for that too, but worn out does not feel good, and he was looking in his man sort of way for a solution to fix this for me, besides what nice things he was doing, like bringing me coffee in the morning sometimes or iced juice in the evening.

Does any one have any guesses on how my pink brain took that suggestion? I said something like "Wow, really? Thanks! That is a great idea! You would really order that for me? Maybe I would start feeling better.."

NOPE.

While I do not remember my exact words...there was no profanity just so you know...
I do remember my resistance to the whole thing and being profoundly offended and sure he must think I am old and fat and I flat out refused to make the call. "You want to get it for me?!? You call!"  And pink makes it look kind of like I said it somewhat nicely but it was actually a bit frosty.  And I left the room.

He made the call.

A couple weeks later the box arrived. I set it aside for two days. Then he started wondering out loud why the stuff had not come yet. I told him it had. Which meant opening the box to find several DVDs, CDs, books, binder, cards, resistance band and so on...Have you ever had to assemble something that came in pieces, like a bike or swing set? You have to be motivated. He tried using the word WE as in WE will feel much better when WE do this...but I was pretty sure there was not going to be a WE figuring this out and that when it was finally assembled it would be ME doing it. And that is how it was, only it was still several more days later. It took time but wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I became a bit intrigued by the test to see what type of food worked best for my metabolism and decided I would give it a try.

So that was about 5 days ago. Today I realized that I am starting to see a difference. Not that I don't want a short mid afternoon nap still if I am hanging around home at that time. But one of the things I realized was that I like the idea that my posture might improve. I had used nursing 8 children as an excuse long enough! (Our youngest is about 16 now) I did not realize it had bothered me because I did not have to look at me slouching my shoulders forward- my husband and others did. I am able to tighten my belt a notch too. Weird. My muscles are so willing to do what muscles are meant to do and I am happy about that. I was never much of an athlete but I did like training at the gym years back. I had forgotten that.

What I realized also, was my tendency to get offended could keep me from something that really is good for me. I can look back and see other instances where this has been true too. You know, because I am offended I can not take even good advice from the one who offended me. I think bitterness is like poison ivy climbing the fence. So best to take the advice from Jesus when his disciples asked how many times they should forgive...like 7 maybe...that does feel like quite a stretch sometimes but we have a life to live and He knows how we should live it best so said "No I say to you 7x70". WOW Lord really?

He just wants to fulfill His promise to FILL my life with GOOD things and staying offended  when the inevitable offences come, just does not let them in.

 

What I Said (what God heard)

I am wondering how that title comes across because this time it isn't that I said anything bad.
Did you ever hear of "fox hole conversions"? Most likely you have. It is essentially an "if You God, will do such and such then I will do this, that or the other" prayer bargain. Fox hole because it is a soldier in desperate straits that is praying to live and getting out alive will serve God and so on as my husband did when in Viet Nam. (and has endeavored to hold to his end of the bargain as long as I have known him through our thick and thin years of marriage)

 


They are not always dire circumstances though. Some times we make a statement that we think we are up to living out in our own strength. Like the time before I got married and was so excited by how God provided for Pat and Dede Robertson in the early days of their ministry and for George Mueller as he built orphanages trusting God to supply EVERYTHING for them. I prayed sincerely "GOD I WANT TO LEARN TO LIVE BY FAITH" I think God was just waiting for me to ask and that began quite a journey for us walking with God.


But that is not the exact subject of this writing. This is about another statement I made once upon a time and more than once actually in response to my husband wanting to build an orphanage on our property...

I want to defend myself so much here because I am about to sound hard hearted and if you really know me you know I am not! I knew an orphanage was BEYOND my strength and ability and emotional stores to do. See, I saw myself as being the mom of all of them, when I was already the mom of our own 8 biological children plus other endeavors that included other children. Soooooooo here is what I would say:


"If God ever brought a baby to my door that needed me, you know I would be on that and take care of that baby! I just do not feel up to purposely setting out to take care of more. I am at my limit."

I guess sometimes we do not know our own limit as well as God does...He says in Isaiah 54 after all "expand the place of your tent" among other things like the children of the desolate woman will be more than those of the married woman.

The likelihood of that baby on my doorstep was so slim. Or so I thought. Then one day God knocked on my door.  One of my sons brought home the news a baby was on the way through a relationship that was not going to continue between himself and the baby's mom in a way that would have the two of them raising this little one together in marriage.

Knock, knock. "Lea, are you listening? Because I, God, was."
Knock, knock. "Lea, are you even looking out the window to see Who is at the door?"
Knock, knock. "Lea, I, God, have a special delivery for you. You already verbally agreed to it. It  has to be signed for though, this one can not be left outside the door."

Sometimes packages don't come packaged the way we like, but when we open them we find the most precious gift inside!


So as time passed the little girl in the God box joined our home. Starting with a nursery crib graduating to the bottom of the bunk bed with Minnie Mouse comforter and sheets, toys, princess clothes, diapers on to potty training, pacies and bottles on to sippy cups, being fed to feeding herself. Toddling to running, using a scooter, singing songs from her car seat every where she went. Helping feed the dogs, cat and fish. Sitting with Grandpa while he watched Joseph Prince or Bill Winston and asking a continuous stream of questions all the while.

Oh sure the crabby moments were there too. Times of sickness and toddler tantrums.We know life is not all glossy and airbrushed. I will admit I was tired. I felt guilty being tired. I had been a SAHM almost entirely while raising our own kids when they were young. Even with her daddy on hand, he did have to work. Even with Grandpa and my daughter involved they both had full days too. Even with one week a month trips to maternal family who also love her.  So we enrolled her in Mini Miracles Daycare.  We all adjusted and she was like a little sister to the kids we had left at home- well except for her daddy of course- he was Daddy. And look what we got:

I know, she is adorable right?

Then a career change came about meaning she and her daddy were moving out of state.

That was last week. I am really trying to get my emotions to line up with my trust, that God has a plan for her that fits with the plan He has for my son. The "strange" thing is that I spoke on Mothers Day at our church about the life circumstances that reposition people and place them smack in line with their life purpose to unfold. Like Jocabed and her baby Moses. Like Hannah and baby Samuel. Like Joseph the dreamer, the slave, the prisoner, to the second in command in Egypt. Like Naomi and Ruth. Like Esther.

And the thing is the circumstances they experienced were hard and even frightening!
The  kind we want to avoid, but they are the kind God is so good at redeeming and bringing beauty for ashes and joy to replace the heaviness. The kind that we are dangerously close to becoming bitter from if we don't trust He has better than bitter for us.

So God was listening to what I said. He took me up on it. He had a suprise package for me. A special delivery. One He knew I would love. It just didn't have an expiration date stamped on it letting me know how long it would last after opening. There I was once again living like I had years and years of hands on time when really what I had was a few very short years to lay a foundation for others to lovingly build on. You know sometimes the gift does come wrapped in way we are not very excited about at first but it is a GIFT. What we do with that gift becomes our gift back to God.

February's Shoes (one size fits all)

 Could you imagine a one size fits all shoe? Yeah, me either. At least not if its made from man made materials. Or what about a shoe that fits every occasion? Is there such a thing? Not really, though some of us probably could do with fewer shoes than we have in our possession, it is wonderful to have shoes that fit the activity and outfit.

This being the month of February upon us, and that means the Valentines holiday, I thought I would write about something I heard being discussed on a program. Honestly I don't know which one it was or even who the speaker was or I would give them due credit. The topic was marriage. You would think after 34 years of marriage I would have heard all I needed to know about the relationship wouldn't you? And especially from someone YOUNGER than me. (Pride you may lower your ugly head!)

 I have also lived long enough, and Marty and I have been married long enough, to know not every day is a happily ever after day. Some days are just ordinary days. Some days are the kind that make you wonder if you will ever get merging your life with the person you have committed yourself to, until death do us part, right. Some days you feel the bliss of contentment with your marriage, and some days you choose contentment. So.....

 On to what the speaker was saying. She said we should be giving our spouse one compliment a day. Intentionally. I do not remember if there were statistics involved about what kind of difference this makes, but the challenge stuck with me.

What would life be like if I gave my husband a compliment a day? Every day. You know, looked for the good. Not default to the things that I might dwell on due to my tendency to get offended or just irritated and hide myself away, snapping and snarling at him if he comes close to my hide away. Or putting an Ice Wall up to further prevent communication. I don't think I am as bad as all that sounds, at least not for the most part.

Oh, not that the sinful nature of me might not bring it to the brink and if not for the grace of God manifest itself at times...But do I tend to dwell on the negative. I am kind of that way. Except not so much in any relationship but my marriage. Hmmmm. Why would I be gracious and encouraging to those who have not invested so many years of their life in mine, then not give that much and more to one who has? Even if I don't like everything that has transpired in our entire history together.

Why am I keeping a record of wrongs? Who ever gave me that right? And gosh do I want someone keeping a record of MINE to quickly page through and find the appropriate thing to hold a magnifying glass over to remind me of? Why no, I do not.

Just what would happen if I take the challenge I am challenging us all with now? I am about to find out and in less than 30 days (because this is the short month...the one that brings the bill cycle around more quickly than the others but I guess also the pay check)

So lets do this thing! Are you on board? If you are not married, what about complimenting your kids, or co-worker or parent. You get it. I will check in with you and you check in with me and see how we are doing. We are slipping on our walking in love shoes this month and truly one size does fit all. Remember one deliberate compliment a day starting today. Let's get started...

Roadside Boxes (and blankets)

I needed a box. A big one!

Yesterday I mentioned this to the LORD in pondering the blanket drive we were starting again this year at Living Waters Worship Center to help supply area shelters. We had done this the previous year and I believe we ended up with around 78 or more brand new blankets to share among 4 shelters.

In my mind this past Christmas season we already had a number of projects going on to help people in need, so I had decided to not have a "Bring A Blanket" drive. Then someone sorking with a shelter, approached me asking if we would be donating blankets this year. And then another someone and then I was at a Veterans home where a need for blankets for another place was shared....

Well ok then LORD...maybe you do want this happening. Still in all I did not want to burden the congregation and did not even have the ability to help supply them yet either...Then a blanket was given to me in case we were giving blankets to a womens shelter...and then I was approached again..Maybe I just needed my spiritual ears cleaned out! And then I was told 20 hats had just been knit and donated for us to give to the mens shelter. They are now on my desk awaiting their new owners.

So it was announced Sunday that for the next two weeks we would be collecting NewTwin Size Blankets again to deliver to the area shelters. Next, I needed to get a LARGE box to collect them in for this Sunday coming up. And so the pondering...Where am I going to get a box that size LORD? I am picturing stopping at a couple different places to check availability. I really am just not energetic right now..it's winter (yes I know it has been mild so far), my youngest son just moved (glad for him yet still sad you know), my dad has been in the hospital 3 times in 2 weeks, Christmas stuff still not completely down and still some gifts I have not even  mailed to my grandkids yet (what a weighty and embarrassing confession that is!), my washer is still broken. Yes. Well in all that, I am still more than a conqueror as Apostle Paul would say...persecuted not abandoned...pressed down but not destroyed...nothing separating me from Gods love...
And I am NOT in a homeless shelter or even close! So coming home from prayer meeting last night lo and behold on the side of Highway 149 is a huge ....go on, you guess...no, not a tiger... not an animal at all, but a box! My eyes opened wide...

As we continued on our way passing it by, I casually said to Marty,
"I need that box".
"Why do you need that box? You don't know what it was used for or if it is even empty and since it is late, I do not want to go check it out".
"OK. But I want you to know that box is an answer to prayer".  At least I was pretty sure it was. So I explained myself, we pulled into the driveway, and went inside the house. I got busy and forgot about the box actually.
This morning after taking Lily to school and Adrena to daycare he came in and said,
"The box is still there and it flapped open as I drove past. It's empty. We can go get it if you still want it."

So my partner in some of my ministry endeavors (although sometimes it is the other way around and I am a partner in his) took me back, broke down the very large box, put in in the back of his already loaded with someotherthingsfromme jeep, and took us home before he headed off to work at the office. (Thanks Honey!)

If I needed more signs from God that He has need of blankets for some of His people, this one, providing the box, really clinched it...even so He allowed me to talk at length today with a woman (a friend I had not seen in years) who works with one of the shelters...and so for now this is what we are doing and if you live nearby and want to help over the next couple weeks..Please bring a blanket.  Must be new and twin size. Thanks!!! You may drop them off at our church Sunday mornings 88 E US Highway 6 in Valparaiso or even at one of our offices Angel Auto Insurance (RT 6 Hobart or Willowcreek Rd Portage)

Un-Decking The Halls (gettting the decorations down)

Not ever the quickest to get my decorations up in the first place, I am now faced with taking them down and *sigh* putting them away... In their proper storage bins so they are easy to locate next year. And then up the stairs into the attic. I really love how my house looks when it is Christmas decorated! But now 2 weeks past not so much.

Slowly, and slowly is the key word here, I have been taking things off the walls. Garland and lights are off the banister, careully placed on the couches and coffee tables where they really do not belong. Felt gingerbread people no longer hung on the enormous oven hood WITH CARE because as I write this I realize hanging them there sounds hazardous but if you saw them you would know it wasn't. Penguins off the fake Hibiscus tree in the kitchen. Mini ornaments off the "kid tree" which was at one point stunningly decorated with a slinky and foam flowers and "normal decorations".

So why am I moving slow as molasses on a winters day? Why am I not jumping in to clean this mess up and restore post Christmas order to my home? I do not know. Really. I don't. I think it is because this year unless I want to wait until it is dark outside and temperatures have dropped and I have a school day weary daughter to help, I am doing this alone and it is ALOT of work. I could tell the overcast weather was trying to cast a blanket over my mood yesterday because I started feeling sorry for myself. Ummm yes, that is what it was for real. Feeling sorry for myself. I told myself I was like one of the maids in the movie I had just watched last weekend, "The Help". (See how what we watch can affect our thoughts? I don't think I am the only one with a suseptible brain). 

So now that I have vented a bit with this blog..and in light of the sunnier day we have today...and in spite of my low energy level, which there are any number of reasons for...I am going to at least begin pulling the bins into the family room (here known by the knick name the TV Room) and into the Living Room (aka the Fireplace Room). I am pretty sure to have help hauling them upstairs when it is time, although it will probably be with a fair amount of reluctance that they are hauled.

You know that scripture in Proverbs that says "Where no oxen are the stall is clean"? As in: we should be glad to have the stall to clean even though that is unpleasant, since it means we have the oxen to help us produce our livelyhood. Well, in the case of unpleasant other tasks like this (and really comparatively it isn't as bad as shoveling heaping piles of steaming, poopy straw out of an animal stall)... Anyway...as in this case it means I have a home to decorate for Christmas. I have decorations to decorate with and a family to do that for and celebrate with...
So now I have reason to rejoice. See I just needed you all to help me straighten my thinking cap out. Thanks! I am now off to continue un-decking my halls....

Emotions (not responding to logic)

He just isn't here anymore. Physically that is. My mind climbs the stairs to his room and then remembers all over again. Yesterday he moved. Yesterday I held my tears tight so he wouldn't be embarassed at the airport. My youngest son just 17 moving across the country. A good move. An awesome opportunity. He is with people who love him. I know it. Logic tells me so. Even my spirit tells me so. Ahh but my emotions just do not want to get in line with that today.

So typing and wiping the tears off my cheeks I am grateful for the normal things going on around me. Taking Lily to school. Dishes needing to be done. Annali not feeling well so I get to help with baby Lincoln for a while. A visit to my parents, taking a senior cup of coffee to Dad, who can't drive yet after his TIA last weekend, for his morning McDonalds coffee ritual. Thankful for the milder winter day and the bird feeder my nephew made for us as I hung it up today.

You know Abe wasn't always downstairs all day long, but he was home. When my mind travelled to where different ones of my kids would be, I could place them. So when I would think upstairs to Abe, I could place him there in my mind. I could count on being asked food questions throughout the day... What's for breakfast (or lunch or dinner)? I spent the last two weeks making as many of his favorites as possible knowing he would be leaving soon.

 And then "suddenly it came to pass" as one of my favorite passages in the Bible goes...because we seem to waaaaaaaait....at times for the answer to prayer and promises we are given and then suddenly it does come to pass...! With plans put together in an amazingly short amount of time and smoothly I should add, suddenly the day was here to get him to the airport.  And leave him there. After he crossed the threshold of scanners and places where only ticketed passengers are allowed to go...the place I could not go...because now the hands on day to day part of raising him was out of my hands.

For this to be hard and sad is not the indication of a hovering controlling mom. It is the normal releasing of a child by a proud, loving, mom who didn't know her time would be up so quickly. One who feels the emptiness there is when a child transitions. I know I will adjust. I know it is a new year and a new season in so many ways. I am not a complete empty nester, thank God. I just love my youngest son and today I miss him. In spite of all I can tell myself. And that is ok.

Turning Swords Into Plowshares

 Driving home after dropping Lily off at school and Adrena at daycare, I was pondering yet again the fierceness of the struggles we have encountered the past couple of months. Almost as if everything we declared was good in our lives met with incredible challenge to prove it was NOT so. Sadly, even to the point where my mom had tears in her eyes as she observed that the children who seemed most openly tied to a walk with God were the ones who struggled the most. It hurt that my mom would have to worry about me. Or that my kids would feel that they have to try to figure out how to solve our problems or that we may be a burden to them as we work through this. That we are even going through some of the things we are going through is embarrassing! That others looking on would not see a "victorious walk in God" but instead a reason to want to run the other way from walking with Him. That frankly I was grasping at straws when it came to the "Why" of all the things. I had no real answers unless I wanted to play the blame game which I found myself  playing to some extent.

I know I can look at the past and see where wrong turns were made, with me making my own fair share of them, but isn't GOD BIGGER than all that? Yes, of course He is! He is the author of grace- which means unmerited favor. The favor I do not earn for myself. He is also LOVE. He is also the One who tells me to cast my cares on Him because He cares for me. And He supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. He is my peace.

Yet my life was not matching these heart held declarations. Enter the piece of the message we heard this morning by Joseph Prince. Among many things he said was this one that lept to my ears and heart. A leader is formed, a ministry is birthed, in the crucible of fiery trials. That gave me hope. (Not  allowance to make excuses for anything we may need to take responsibility for, but hope all the same.)

Definitions of crucible (n)

1.container for melting something: a heat-resistant container in which ores or metals are melted

2.bottom of furnace: the hollow part at the bottom of a furnace where molten metal collects 3.testing circumstances: a place or set of circumstances where people or things are subjected to forces that test them and often make them change


Most of us have been fire walkers at one time or another, of one sort of fire or another. One of my problems tends to be going through a trial and finally getting through it by applying God tools from His holy toolbox (Bible) then putting that tool away thinking I will never need to use it again. These have been the days of needing every tool I ever needed to learn to use. I can not just stare at the tool box and expect the tools to magically march out on their own and start going to work for me. My inward scream and outward crabbiness and dispay of fear are not going to get me very far. In fact that may cause me to lose ground.                                                        
                                                                                                               

Did I learn to speak in faith? I must do that now.
Did I learn to agree in prayer with others and the word of God? I must do that now.
Did I learn to give thanks in everything? I must do that now.
Did I learn God will never leave me or forsake me? I must still trust that truth.
Did I learn to pray in the Spirit? I must continue.
Did I learn to take God given authority over demonic strategies and do not wrestle with flesh and blood? I must do that now.
Did I learn I am hidden in Christ my hiding place? I must realize that still.
Did I learn I to put on the armor of God? I must wear it still.
Did I learn to not be surprised by the fiery trials which are to try me? I must not be surprised then.
Did I learn it is the plan of satan to steal, kill, destroy, devour, lie? I must be aware of his strategies.
Did I learn no weapon formed against me will prosper? I must believe that now.
Did I learn when I lie awake at night troubles overwhelming me, to pray then for my neighbors? I must pray for them knowing I am not the only one with difficulties.
Did I learn all things may not be good but will, by God, work together for my good? I must still trust that.
Did I learn God promises to give me wisdom? I must ask then trust He is giving it.
Did I learn that I must forgive as I am forgiven? I must forgive those who offend me.
Did I learn that having done all to stand, then STAND? Then I will by Gods grace STAND still and see the salvation of the LORD. 

Well I didn't plan to go into all that, but what I was thinking on my way home was about swords and plowshares. Before a plowshare can be used in the land, the land has to first be taken. What is the land you are being moved to possess? Is it the life of a child? Is it your home? Your finances? Your business or ministry? Is it a neighborhood or city or nation? Is it your own broken heart or spirit? Your health? Your marriage?
There is first warfare involved in taking the land. We have to clear away the presence of the enemy who has no right to our land, but doesn't care and will take it unless we stop him. Take up the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. It isn't just a book of words to read. It is living, active and powerful!

Then, when we have secured the land, we can begin to plow the land. Many times land that has not been worked for a long time is stoney and hard. Plowing that type of ground is pretty tough work.

So while we may be past the actual warfare, and "own" the land, it doesn't prepare itself, nor plant itself, nor cultivate itself and keep itself weedfree, insect free and pruned. I have tired myself out just thinking about all that while writing that sentence! We also have to have boundaries to keep predators out.                             

                                                                                        

In the end though, it is worth it. In the end we have something to bless ourselves and others. We have satisfaction. We have fruit for our effort. We have partnered in bring forth life that endures!

And the life of Christ has been formed in us and those around us. We have planted the Heavens by our efforts. All of that is what Satan hoped to stop when the fiery trials hit. But God who loves us is able to WORK ALL THINGS ( the good, the bad and the ugly) TOGETHER FOR OUR GOOD.

I the God of Israel, will not forsake them, I will open rivers in desolate hieghts and fountains in the midst of the valleys, I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water. Isaiah 41:18 NKJ

  

 Just a few references:

Peace- Isaiah 26:3,12

Trials and Refined as Silver-Isaiah 48:10, I Peter 1:6-9, James 1:2-4

Hidden in Christ- Colossians 3: 2-3

Never Separated from His love-Romans 8:31-39, Hebrews 13:5-6, Isaiah 41: 9-13

God working things together for good- Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11-14

Weapons, warfare and armor-Ephesians 6:10-20, Isaiah 54:17, Luke 10: 18-20

Wisdom- James 1:5-7

Forgiveness-Matthew 6:12-14, Ephesians 1:7

Swords into plowshares-Isaiah 2:4, Micah 4:3 and this one is just the opposite; it speaks of turning plowshares into swords Joel 3:10



What Not To Wear (not ever)

Should I wear this, or should it be this, or should it be....I have never really figured out how much time I spend choosing what I am wearing for what ever thing I am doing. Sometimes what ever it is will have to work for a few different things I am doing that day as I go from one thing to another in my work a day mom world. I prefer grocery shopping in my jeans but that may be following a business type meeting. I am trying to develop a dressy casual look that can go both places but have to admit while shopping at Aldis is definately on my list of things to do for the great deals, I still feel funny shopping there immediately after church or the office. I feel like I am over dressed because I am one of those who likes to dress up a bit which may include heels with the ensemble.



All of this said to say...yesterday morning was church...so I took time to pull out an outfit that was smashed under some other articles of clothing waiting to "be put away". I hung the quite wrinkled items on hangers (ahem, yes now instead of days ago when they first came from the dryer). I proceeded to spray them down with a handy dewrinkler product my sister gave me most likely because she had observed my frantic run to toss items into the dryer while getting ready for something or because she had stepped in to help iron things before one of my daughters weddings (a pretty funny inside joke that will put a smile on her face like it does mine when I remember it). I have also been known to use my hair straightener to do quick fixes on my collars and the bottom edge of shirts that want to roll up.


So here is what happened. I proceeded to do make up, choose shoes and accessories, get the now wrinkle free clothes on and walk out the bathroom door to be met with the words "honey you know the red shirt you sometimes wear?" What ?!? What is he talking about? He hates when I wear red. (and for the record black is on his least favorite color for me to wear list too) Did I gently inquire with "no darling, which shirt is it you mean?" Uh uh. No. I became like a porcupine with all quills at attention.


So began the sunday morning battle that tries to steal our peace on the way to minister and have open hearts to be ministered to as well...(surely we have company in these skirmishes world over)


Shortly I learned which shirt it was and ladies and gentlemen it is one my husband bought me which is not solid red but has paisley burgandy, tan and brown designs. It is one he loves on me and one I do like but was more casual than I wanted to have on that day. Besides it would not match my grey dress pants and black high heels.  It would mean an overall change of said ensemble. And besides all that, I just did not want to change. 


This would be a great time for the sound effects of brakes squealing to the stop sign...I just did not want to change...my clothes or my attitude either one. So of course I tried to point out the sensibility of keeping what I wanted on. Without having him feel that it meant I hated the shirt he loves because I don't and I don't want to offend him either. Although I was myself offended that my appearance was not lovely in his sight.

Looming large was the pretty much unfavorite verse for many women because we think it devalues us somehow. It is the one from Ephesians that kept whispering to me "wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord" Yes that one. Not submit when it makes you happy to or makes sense to you or continues to let you have all your own way about things...and as unto the Lord...do it for Jesus sake, the One Who laid His life down for me do it as if I were doing it for Him. I said my life is His so shouldn't my actions line up with my words for goodness sake?Not that there wasn't some "I don't care if you like the other better" stuff bouncing around in my heart too. I did however, give my life to Jesus 30 some years ago and become a new creature in Christ like the Bible says. So I may be imperfect in walking it out sometimes but overall it is the standard that I stake my actions on since that divine transaction over my life took place.




Do any of you remember Esther before she won the kings heart and place as his queen asking the one in charge of preparing her for her night with the king to choose for her what the king would like. Most women probably went for what they liked and made them feel pretty and hopefully worthy of the king using all the physical charms they had. Esther had those charms but she also had something more, a desire to learn what would please the king. We know who became the queen.

Even so what offends my heart also reveals my heart. I did not want to change. I wanted to be thought attractive in what I wanted to wear but you know what is NEVER attractive? A bad attitude. Unforgiveness. Anger.Bitterness. Self righteousness. An unloving attitude. Grudges. Pride. Stubborness. None of it looks good no matter what shoes I wear. There are scriptures about what to take off and what to put on. We could call them the "what not to wear" scriptures after one of my favorite shows. Then we could talk about the scriptures that tell us what to wear.
That will be a different day though.

For today I just want to mention the one from 1 Peter 3:3-4
Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold or putting on fine apparel-rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

Here is to some quiet spiriting by the grace of God! And guys if you are in on this reading -no fair intentionally pushing our buttons!